


All I Need

by Dcroley1985



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 03:15:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 41,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17357888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dcroley1985/pseuds/Dcroley1985
Summary: After Ciara battles with the trauma of her rape she feels like she has it all. The perfect boyfriend, The best friend a girl could ask for. But unbeknownst to her, Her life is about to flip upside down and shake her semi perfect world to its core. Nothing is ever a “perfect” as it seems to be.





	1. Ciara

**Author's Note:**

> ***So I decided to give this a shot. Writing has always been a passion of mine since I was in grade school I’ve spent Countless hours writing fan fiction stories but never have published any of them. I guess in fear of people thinking they aren’t good enough or not liking my work. I have been a fan of Days Of Our Lives since I can remember ...litterally my grandma has been watching days for 53 years, since the very beginning so I have grown up watching it myself and I’m 33...of all the stories and characters nothing has captivated me like the story of “Cin” Ben Weston and Ciara Brady. I’m addicted. And I’m addicted to the fan fiction stories everyone writes I check for updates daily. So after going back and forth I have decided to give it a try. I started this story years ago but with different characters so I have been making countless revisions to it. Not even sure exactly how it will go...I guess I’ll put my muse to work. ***

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story started out as a completely original fiction story. I had been working on it for 3 years when I got blocked. Then came Cin & I began to see how I could rework the concept into a Cin fanfic. Unfortunately as written Ciara will actually be linked to Tripp for a while. I promise it is as hard for me to write their relationship as will be to read it but I promise if it stick with it as the story unfolds it will all be worth it. In my story she’s dated Tripp for a few years since her rape. He went away to college in Nashville for criminal justice because he’s working on becoming a cop. There are a few other things in my story that are written a bit differently. One of them is the character of Claire. In my story she’s not a manipulative, backstabbing, vindictive brat. I have always said Ciara has no honest & true girl friends. So I thought rather than just make a new person up I would change one who was already there. Also The age progression is a struggle for me at times too so again I want to stay true to certain aspects of the Days of our lives characters but since it’s fan fiction it’s going to be different. So if you can bear with me until then I hope to make it worth your while. Thanks for reading! ~ DRC

Intro  
There are moments in your life that define you... choices that you have to make to get you from one point to the next. Life is a series of moments that come together to create your story. When I stop and think about my life and how I got to where I am today, I can narrow it down to a few, life-changing events.

You can call it fate, luck, choices... or maybe it's just something much greater than that. All I know is I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, whether it's happy, sad or confusing. And it always comes back to those choices you have to make. Some could upset or even hurt people, however unintentionally, but these are sometimes the consequences of find your happiness and live the best life you can. 

People can accept that or not, but it won’t change the fact that choices will come & things happen… life always happens. I’m sure some may not agree with or like the decisions I made for my life. But I got sick of living my life for everyone else.

And right when I thought I had it all figured out, was one of those moments that changed the course of my entire life. I met one of those people who can come into your life when it's least expected & turn your semi-normal life into a tailspin and flip it upside down. But before I get to him, let me go back & explain how I got to that life-altering moment in time. 

 

Chapter 1

 

Let’s start with the basics like my name, which is Ciara Alice Brady. I was born into a very large family. In fact to name them all and get through their stories, it would take me years. To be honest, my family’s history always sort of reminded me of a soap opera. My family is that crazy.

Anyway, I’m the youngest in my immediate family, and my mom & dad’s names are Hope & Bo. I have an older brother named Shawn Douglas. Well, I had two, but my older brother Zach died really young, before I was even born. And I do have one sister named Chelsea—well, a half sister but that still counts.

My mom and dad have this epic love story. It’s totally one for the ages. But like with any great love story, it wasn’t always easy & it came with more than one twist and turn, not to mention a few major bumps along the way. But what else could expect from a pair of bonafide star-crossed lovers. They were torn apart time after time, but if there’s one thing that has always remained true, it would be the strength of their love for one another and their children.

Being the youngest child in my family has been a blessing and a curse. While I’ve always had love and support daily from all of my family, they’ve also been very protective of me— one might even say they were overprotective. Not the best combination when you consider that I’ve always had a bit of a rebel soul—very mischievous, outspoken, brazen... People tell me I’m a lot like my dad. Despite all of that, I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve, and tried to see the good in everyone. I fight for what I believe in, and for those that I care about. Most can’t decide if I’m an immature rebellious brat, or an old soul who is way too mature for my age. I guess I’m a little of both.

They say the first cut is the deepest. I would say I learned that the hard way. The first huge shift in life hit me as a preteen... right when a girl is growing into full adolescence, my family suffered a huge loss in the form of my father’s death.

Nothing could have prepared me for that. No person, place, or thing. It left a void in all of our lives that nothing and no one could fix. I was never quite the same after that, and my mom’s overprotectiveness—which I had already been chafing under—grew immensely. After all, it was just her and I with my daddy gone.

Shawn, his wife, Belle, and my niece, Claire—who ironically was just a few years younger then me—had moved to Hong Kong. So things were very quiet & a little lonely for us until my mom decided to get remarried to a man, who would forever change our lives in ways we could never see coming or hope to prepare for.

His name was Aiden Jennings. From day one, I made it very clear to my mom that he would never fill my father's footsteps. Something about him… I could never put my finger on it, but he just always gave me chills, yet somehow despite that, I did become very close to my new stepbrother, Chase. He became one of my best friends. Right up until the moment we found out who my “stepfather” really was beneath the mask he’d worn.

Long story short, it had been all about the money. Aiden had lied and manipulated his way into my mom's heart & life just to try and kill her for our money. But he failed, and when he was found out and arrested, my mom decided to take Chase in raise as a part of our family. I had never been more proud or sure of one of my mom’s decision since my dad passed. How wrong we both were.

In his father’s absence, Chase began to spiral. I tried to be there for him, but unfortunately that backfired when he developed an unhealthy attachment to me. At least that what Claire’s grandma, psychiatrist Dr. Marlena Evans-Black called it. An unhealthy attachment. It sounds so clinical, so passionless, almost harmless, but it was nothing like that… nothing at all.

I can’t really even remember how it started that night. I just remember that when he came on to me, I didn’t take it that seriously until it was too late. I tried to push him away, but that only angered him—it seemed to fuel him to do the unspeakable. To hold me down & cover my mouth so I couldn’t say no. He raped me.

Before that night I never thought anything could devastate me like losing my dad, but after what Chase did to me, I was never ever the same again. I felt alone, broken and damaged, and all of the therapy in the world couldn’t fix what was broken. It left me feeling like I had no purpose because let's face it, how could anyone ever truly recover from something like that.

But I leaned on my family and the support from my friends, and slowly but surely I began healing. Claire moving back to Salem helped as did my mom remarrying a wonderful guy named Rafe. I got through it slowly but even now carry a lot of scars, anger and hurt. Like with my father’s death, I thought nothing was going to change my life more than that one event. So I was completely unprepared for what would happen 6 years later.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I had always dreamed of one thing in my life—to find love, a love as great as my mother and father’s. I wanted the fairy tale. The kind of love that gave you butterflies, made it hard to breathe, and made you all nervous & giggly. I wanted to feel like my heart would burst. To find that one person who could be my first and last thought of everyday. That rebellious, mischievous Ciara Alice Brady was a hopeless romantic, who had believed that her soulmate was really out there somewhere waiting for the right moment to make himself know.

At least I was until Chase took that away from me. After my rape, I never thought I would ever be capable of love or being loved at all, let alone that magical, bottomless, all-encompassing kind of love my parents had shared. I definitely never thought I would find him in the way that I had, or that events would take place the way they did. Like I said before, it's all about the moments and the choices that life throws at you that get you to where you are or where you need to be. That little voice in your head that tells you, “Yes, this is it”. Or maybe our hearts can be louder than voice inside our heads. You can choose to follow your brain and make choices logically, or you can trust your impulsive heart to lead. But then again, there's a reason your heart is housed within a set of ribs to contain it. Although as much as you try, it never really can be contained, maybe it's not really meant to be.

So I firmly believe it's those moments and events that come together in your life that get you to the points in your life where you're making your life-changing decisions and choices. Whether they're small or large, life is lived one choice at a time; and you never know which one moment will change your entire life. What one person will just come in and turn your semi-normal upside down.

I have to say that even so many memories & stories that I can remember in minute detail, nothing is as clear to me as that day—that one moment I've been going on and on about that has been permanently burned in my brain forever that started with a life altering moment that led me to my life-altering choice. But before I get caught up in the magic of my own story, let me go back a bit farther so I can put all the pieces of this complicated story in place. I promise it’s pretty different, but it’s a good one.


	2. Ciara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: If you’ve read or are currently reading this story at Archive Of Our Own-Dot-Org, know that the story is undergoing revisions and the fully edited version of each chapter is posting here after Fanfiction-Dot-Net.

“Claire!” Ciara yelled as she grabbed her keys. “If we don't leave in 10 minutes, I might as well tell Tripp to walk home because we're never gonna make it to pick him up on time!”

“Alright, Ciara!” Claire called back. “I'm coming give me just 2 minutes!”

“You'd be late for your own funeral!” Ciara huffed in amused exasperation, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

There is no small amount of truth to our squabbling. If there is anyone that I know better than anyone else in this world, it's easily narrowed down to 3 people: my Mom, my best friend since she was born, Claire, and my boyfriend for the past 4 years, Tripp.

I've been best friends with Claire for as long as I can remember. There’s a pretty huge age gap between me & my big bro, Shawn, so when he and my sister in law had Claire shortly after I was born, it’s safe to say they guaranteed we would become BFFLs—best friends for life.

When Shawn and Belle moved away to Hong Kong with Claire, there were quite a few years we missed together, but when she came back to Salem to finish high school, we picked up right where we left off. Nothing and no one could ever get in between our friendship. We’ve been through it all—the ups and downs, the highs and lows. And we’d gotten through it all together. She's more than a friend to me, she's been the sister I never had, especially since my Chelsea is much closer to Shawn’s age than mine.

We know each other inside and out, but one area where we are polar opposites is procrastination. I don’t do late. I’m never late for like anything—appointments, dates, whatever. You tell me to be somewhere, and you can count on me being at least 10 minutes early. I'm known for being the first to arrive anywhere. Claire, on the other hand, is a total procrastinator, and never on time for anything. Until today.

What, you may ask, makes today so different? Well, it might be the fact that I'm supposed to be at the airport at 12:00am to pick up Tripp, but I told Claire 11:30pm so we’d have a shot in hell of leaving at the time I want so we get there appropriately early time. Her flaw of procrastination will not defeat me this time.

“Claire, I’ll be in the car! Hurry up!”

“I will be down in one minute! I promise!” she yelled from the top of the staircase.

Rolling my eyes, I spin on my heel, slip out the front door, and down the staircase to my car. Hopefully, that will help her hurry. Lord knows how much she hates when I do this… mostly because she knows what comes next is me honking the horn. I have no sympathy though since Claire knew how important today was supposed to be.

Tripp had been gone for almost 2 months. Well, if I was being honest he was kinda always gone since he was majoring in Criminal Justice a few states away at Tennessee State University. But it’s been months since his last visit. And it’s not like I’m bitter about it or anything. It’s everything he’s ever wanted since before he moved to Salem over four years ago. He never hid that from the day we met.

And it makes sense, after all. Nashville was his hometown. Of course, it made perfect sense that TSU was where he always wanted to go for college. Of course it did. Tripp only even ended up to Salem because his biological dad, Steve Johnson, found him. Just so happens that Steve—or Patch, as most call him—is married my dad’s sister, Kayla. Small world, right? Well, Salem is a pretty small town, actually.

Anyway, Patch & Kayla are very well-respected here in Salem. Kayla is Chief of Staff at the hospital here, while Patch works for the ISA. He was really close friends with my dad, too. When Steve found out he had a son, he made it his mission to find him—and he succeeded.

They had a pretty rough start... especially once Tripp found out Kayla and Steve’s son, Joey, killed his biological mother, Ava. Unfortunately, she was an evil, vindictive woman, who wreaked havoc on many of the residents of Salem, unbeknownst to Tripp. So full of misinformation, he tried getting revenge on Kayla, which thankfully failed. And when it all unfolded and he was found out the truth, Kayla decided against pressing charges. She saw that he wasn’t a bad person so she set out to show him the life he never had with his adoptive family in Nashville. His adoptive mother had died two years before he moved to Salem anyway, & he didn’t have a relationship with his adoptive father. So, he had lived with close friends following her death.

We met when he first arrived in Salem during our senior year at Salem High. My mom told me the whole story about him, so, at first, I kind of kept my distance from him. I mean with everything I had been through was it any surprise? Since I always had my guard up after Chase, it was easy for me to keep people away so I figured he would be no different. I mean, he was the new guy in school with a reputation, and despite the fact that rumors quickly spread about him. No surprise there with a small town. Instead of it scaring people away, it strangely enough intrigued people. All the guys wanted to be his friend, and all the girls wanted to date him. Hell, even Claire herself wanted him at first. But Heavens know, I wasn’t interested at first.

From the beginning, it was him who kept approaching me—pursuing me really. I could never figure out why me over everyone else, though. Maybe I was just more of a challenge. But as luck would have it, we had 6th period lunch together so that’s what led to us meeting for the first time.

The place was packed because it had rained, but there were still a handle full of empty seats, not the least of which was the one at the popular table that Claire always kept open for me in case she could talk me into joining her that day. But for whatever reason, of all the empty seats in the cafeteria, he chose the one right next to me.

“Is this seat taken?” he had asked me.

At first, I didn't even realize he was talking to me because I was focused on getting my homework finished from third period trig. I always did that so I knew if I would need to sit in with a tutor on a free period. Math and I tended to have a love/hate relationship back then. On any given day, I could either totally understand it or be completely baffled by it & there was never any in between. “Huh? What?”

He pointed to the chair with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh!” I responded, grabbing my bag. “No, it's open. Sorry.” But feeling inconvenienced & noticing several other empty spots, I couldn’t help grumbling, “And it’s not the only one.”

He had smirked at me with that smirk that could make any girl at Salem High stumble for words. He sat down, extended a hand to me and said, “Hi, my name is Tripp Dalton.”

I nervously eyed his hand, which I'm sure he expected me to take because he smirked again. “Yes, I’m fully aware of who you are,” I huffed trying to refocus on my trig which had actually been making sense before his interruption. “Kayla is my dad's sister. I’m Ciara Brady.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard a lot about you as well,” he replied, finally dropping his hand. “I’m glad we finally met.”

“Yeah, great. Nice. Wonderful.” I remained mostly silent, focused on regaining my train of thought in hopes that I could keep my free period free instead of having to see the tutor again.

“So Kayla’s your aunt,” he tried again.

“That’s usually what it means when I say she was my dad’s sister,” I snapped, frustrated that my focus had been shot & the big blonde beside me clearly had no inclination to shut up and let me get it back. But I had to make one last effort to shut him up. “Look, this has been great, and I appreciate your attempts to socialize the loaner or whatever this little exercise in small talk was about, but some of us are not interested, hence choosing to sit ALONE so we can focus in some semblance of peace. Now, if you’re interested in getting to know the extended family, Claire over there always keeps an open seat for me & I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you sitting with her. So please either use it or sit quietly & stop being distracting. Thanks.”

He was silent for a beat, and then replied, “So you find me distracting.”

I stared at him for a long moment in frustration before, refusing to rise to the bait, I grabbed my things, stuffed them into my bag, and stormed off. I must have turned so red because as I walked away, I noticed he smirked again. And despite myself once I was sure he couldn’t see it, I smiled back.

After that, things were rocky, but we eventually became friends. Friendship grew into a relationship. Every step forward in our relationship was a huge battle for me, but he was tireless and determined. I never thought I’d be worthy of love, or find someone who seem to understand what I’d gone through so it took me a really long time to open up to Tripp, but when I did, his reaction, while not perfect, made our love grow. So 4 years later, here we were in love in a long distance relationship.

I look down at the clock, and it read 10:45pm. Claire and I lived in a loft between the university & the financial district, where companies like Titan Industries and DiMera were housed. We had wanted our independence after we had graduated high school, especially since Claire had just been through a pretty nasty breakup. So, we had decided to find a place together. Tripp even had his own space there and he always just stayed with us when he came in town.

Getting to the airport was sort of a drive from our house, and I didn’t want to be late. With it being such a late flight, I hadn’t wanted to go alone. I hit the horn, but lucky for Claire, it was too late at night for me to really lay down on it like I usually would. A few seconds later, Claire came running out. As she hopped in and buckled up, she looked at me and sighed, “Sorry, Ci.”

I put the car in reverse and pulled out of the driveway, shifted into drive and took off. “I’ll forgive you for now, but if I'm not at that gate in time, you better have on comfortable shoes because you'll be walking home.”

“You'd never.”

I look at her with my raised eyebrow and scoffed, “There's a first time for everything, you know.”

“Love you,” she chirped sweetly as she pulled her mirror down to finish up her makeup.

“Love you, too.” I replied dryly back, somehow I could never stay mad or upset with her. And seeing as she thought we had to be there at 11:30, I reminded myself, I have nothing to worry about anyway so I decided to let her off the hook. “Don't worry about it, Claire. Tripp doesn't even get in till 12 anyway.” I giggled at the look on her face.

“You rushed me that whole time knowing you had time to spare?!”

“Umm, duh!” I shot back. “We would have been super late if I didn't.”

“I guess you have a point,” she sighed dramatically as she added another coat of mascara. 

“I'm surprised you didn't figure it out sooner!” I snickered.

“The thought did cross my mind,” she huffed, trying to keep the humor off her face, “but I just figured it was just you being you and wanting to be there like 10 hours beforehand.”

Thinking about what laid at the end of the trip, I sobered. “Thank you for making the trip with me so last minute. You know I hate driving alone at night.” 

“No problem!” Claire reached for phone cued up her playlist already over it. She knew better than anyone how excited I was to see Tripp again. Me & Tripp would take any opportunity to see each other. Even if it's only for a day and a half, that was good enough for me.

Luckily, my job had a flexible schedule, which made it easier to make sudden changes. Well, less luck, more nepotism since I work for my uncle Roman at the family pub as a server, while taking a full course load at Salem U.

Since my uncle owns the pub, when things came up and I needed to take off, he’d get my shifts covered for me. Or he’d just cover it himself. Tripp surprised me with a call late last night letting me know he had exactly 48 hours between the end of his final tonight, a Tuesday, & Thursday night so he can make it back for his class Friday morning. Unfortunately, he called back this morning to tell me he was coming tonight, instead of tomorrow morning. So of course, I'd drop everything to make it possible. As usual. But as excited and happy as I am, a big part of me is nervous as well.

To say the long distance thing has been hard would be an understatement. He has a huge coarse load this year because he’s hoping if he can get a lot of classes, he can take on an internship this summer. He’s in a major college with a long distance relationship. I mean, I’ve always been able to trust him, but it can’t be a surprise that I struggle with it at times. It’s not easy deal with all the little things that come up & plant seeds of doubts.

For instance, we've always made it work, but lately it's been... different. He hasn't called or texted as much & he’s been missing our monthly Skype dates. And visits... well, they’ve turned into ‘whenever he can make it out’ visits. Don’t get me started on all of the last-minute flight cancellations I’ve had to eat fees for. I’m still a lowly college student so I’ve definitely felt the burn enough times that I don’t even bother to try to visit anymore. It doesn’t help me fight my insecurities. So many times I've wondered and worried myself over if he’s talking to or seeing someone else, but he's never really given me a concrete reason not to trust him. 

But come on. Any girl in my shoes would feel the same. I've thought about moving to Nashville to make it easier, but everyone we know & love is here in Salem. Besides, I don’t want to seem like some puppy nipping at his heels, either. I’ve tried to imagine what it would be like… but with him in classes or his internship and me working and going to school out there... and considering I’ve become more of a loner since Chase, it would be so lonely for me. I may enjoy my alone time, but I don't do lonely and alone very well. So I'm nervous because I never know when I will see him again after these mini trip ends. Or if I’ll still want to when I do.

“Hello!!” Claire’s raised voice cut into my thoughts abruptly. “Earth to Ciara! Are you in there somewhere?”

“What?” I startled. “Huh? I'm sorry.”

“I was just asking you if you were okay.” Claire’s tone softened slightly. “You’re quiet, and looking at you, I know something’s wrong.” 

“Yeah, no, I mean, I'm okay.”

Of course, Claire knows me much better than that so she gave me her famous ‘look’. The one she always gives me when she knows I'm not telling her the truth. “Ci, seriously,” she asked earnestly, “What's wrong? Something is bothering you.”

“I don't know,” I sighed. “I'm just—I am so so happy to finally see Tripp. I am! But... I don’t know. I'm nervous.”

“Nervous?” Claire deadpanned incredulously. “What would make you nervous? You guys are like an old married couple. Or are you afraid he dabbled in cosmetic surgery or something crazy?” she chuckled teasingly going back to applying her lipgloss.

“No, Claire. That's not what I'm worried about,” I assured her, laughing weakly. “It's… just… nevermind. It's hard to explain.” And it is. I tell Claire absolutely everything, but lately, I’d just been so confused sometimes that I wouldn't even know where to start. So, I’d do what I always do: put on my happy face & bottle it all up. I don't like making people feel like they have to worry about me. I prefer being the one to fix things. The one giving advice. Nothing worse than being the one in need of fixing or advice. I know how ridiculous that sounds. I do. But especially after the smothering I got after what Chase did, I couldn’t help how I felt.

I got so lost in my head that I didn't even realize I was teary eyed until a tear fell to my cheek. Ugh, I hated this.

“Ciara Alice Brady!” she gasped knowing how rare my tears were these days. “What's wrong? Please. Talk to me.” She took my free hand and held it tightly.

“It's just so much,” I finally managed. Her grip on my hand tightened. As I continued to drive, it hit me that I would be there in 20 minutes, and my butterflies suddenly felt like elephants. ‘He's gonna know I was crying,’ I thought even more worriedly. ‘He always knows when I've been crying.’

“Claire, I love him so much,” I finally said. “I swear I do. He's all I really have besides you and my mom, with Shawn & Chelsea off living their lives overseas. But—but I feel like I'm losing him. And I know this is what I signed up for. I knew when I met him that this could be his life—our life. He was always honest that he wanted to go back to Nashville for college, but for all of his reassurances over our senior year and the past 3 years of college, lately, it’s been… I don’t know... different.” I paused. “I was prepared to miss him. I knew would it be hard & that it would take work. I expected being solo at parties or unescorted for events. The air miles & endless hours on the phone or over Skype. I was prepared for all of that, but... I guess couldn't fully prepare myself for this feeling.” I swallowed heavily over the pit in my throat. “So yeah, I'm nervous about how it’ll be when I see him or that after the next couple of days come to an end, I don't have a clue how long it’ll be until the next time I will see or even really speak to him again. I’m terrified that the whole time he’s here, it’s all I’m going to be thinking about.” I paused again, but continued quickly when I saw Claire’s mouth open to respond, knowing if I didn’t get it all out I never would. “Did you know that in the past week, we've talked on the phone once. He texts me every few days, if I'm lucky, and we haven’t Skyped in 2 weeks. I don't want to sound clingy or selfish or bitchy... but it really feels like I'm los—”

Claire cut me off. “Ciara, one, you’re not selfish or bitchy or clingy, for that matter. And two, you are going through so much. How could this is not be hard on you? No matter how strong you are. And Ci, you're the strongest person I know. You have every right to feel this way. God knows I could never because I am selfish, clingy & bitchy.”

“You’re not!” I argued.

“Oh, I absolutely am. In all of my relationships. Ci, ours is the exception, not the rule. I am an insecure, needy mess & without you in my life, I would be worse,” Claire rebutted. “But this is not about me. This time. This relationship with Tripp has been a huge adjustment for you. I mean, it all happened so fast even from the start.” I felt the knots in my stomach loosening with every word she spoke. “I'm sorry you’re going through all these growing pains, but Ciara, he loves you so much. Please! Tripp is head over heels for you. God knows I would share you with him otherwise. Selfish, remember?” I couldn’t help laughing at the truth in her words. “And I know he would never make you feel this way on purpose, but it is his senior year, he has to be so busy. I know we are. You know that he calls, texts, Skypes and visits every chance he gets. I mean, come on, he could have easily went back to his dorm tonight after his test, and came tomorrow morning, but nope! Not Tripp. He jumped on the first flight he can just to get to you. You’re not going to lose him, Ciara.”

I wiped my eyes and looked at her. That’s my Claire. She always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better. “Thank you. You know how much I love you, right?”

“You better!” she shot back with a snort. “I love you, too, Ci!” she gushed back squeezing my hand again. “And you don't ever have to thank me, silly. It's what I am here for. Now, you better dry your eyes and touch up your makeup, or he's gonna know you were crying.”

“You guys both know me too well.”

“Yeah,” Claire agreed. “Probably even better than you know yourself. Although, no one knows you better than me!” We shared a laugh before she grew serious again. “Just talk to him about it; tell him how your feeling. He’ll never know unless you tell him.”

“You’re right.” I sighed. “And I'm going to. It'll help to get it off my chest.”

The exit came moments later & we were off the expressway & headed toward the airport ramp. Unsurprisingly, it didn't take us that long to get in, and find a spot. Plus, he was coming in through the main terminal so it wouldn't be hard to find him late at night. I put the car in park, took my seat belt off, & pulled down my mirror. One glance confirmed that I badly needed to touch up my makeup, before I got out if I had any hope of him not immediately knowing I had been crying.

“Claire, can you hand me my purse, please?”

“Way ahead of you, Ci.” She handed it over before I could finish the question. “You know you’re just gonna start crying off again when you see him anyway, right?”

I looked at her and rolled my eyes. “Um, no one asked you to be that honest or that right,” I joked, earning another laugh. “But at least this way I can remember the waterproof mascara & hopefully minimize the damage this time. And hey, when he sees me from a distance, I'll look okay, right?” Our light teasing always helped calm my nerves.

“Don't worry. Ciara, everything really will be okay. ” Claire leaned over and gave me a hug. “Especially if you ever manage to do a decent wing with your eyeliner. Give me that.”

I couldn’t help laughing as I handed my new eyeliner over, hit an extra light, and closed my eyes. “Thank you. You’re right. Don’t you ever get sick of hearing that?”

“Nope, never,” she giggled. “Hold still, almost done.”

I took a deep breath feeling the nerves returning. “And really, I'm so happy to see him. I'm probably not even going to want to let him go.”

“True. All done. Take a look.”

“Perfect,” I agreed & set about finishing my touch-ups.

As soon as I finished, we headed into to airport. On my schedule, we still had up to 30 minutes to kill. Unfortunately, I couldn't go into the main gate so I had to wait for him by the security check gate. The nervousness gave me the shakes, and as each minute passed, I grew more anxious. Claire & I found a seat close by and held hands while we waited. We didn't say much, but that was alright she knew when I was feeling this way it's best not to bother with conversation so she pulled out her phone and started playing some game or another. I must have been more in my head than realized because before I knew it, it was midnight. There wasn't even a delay so he should get to the gate within 15-20 minutes.

I stood up and walked closer more anxious than ever. “OMG, Claire! He’ll be here any second,” I squealed nervously. As I took a deep breath looking toward the gate, my phone vibrated with a message from Tripp.


	3. Ciara

[Just landed. it's only minutes now] His text read. 

[From months to weeks to days to hours to just a few more minutes you sure know how to make a girl wait.], I replied.

[Love you]

[Love you more]

I put my phone in my pocket, and got as close to the gate as I could, trying desperately to ignore the rising anxiety that felt suspiciously like panic as every second ticked closer to their reunion. As each person passed, I knew it was only gonna be a matter of moments. I looked down at my watch to see it was 12:19am, and when I looked up, I saw the top of his familiar red hat walking down the runway, I grabbed Claire’s hand tighter.

“Claire, he's right there,” I hissed trying to sound excited & not freaked. I even add, “I just wanna run to him!” In desperate need of a way to release some tension I started waving like a maniac & yelled, “TRIPP!”

As soon as he saw me, he skirted past two people and began to run. My panic took over and I froze with a smile covering my face. Before I knew it, he crashed into me, lifted me into his arms, and held me so tight. Tears that I knew would come made their expected appearance, but not for the reason I expected. He spun me around and kissed me. A kiss that held so many emotions I didn't know how to make sense of them all. So I held on to him as tightly as I could. He put me down and took my face into his hands. I looked up into his bright blue eyes—the eyes that had won me over for so long.

“I've missed you so much,” I blurted eagerly, and then blushed.

Tripp kissed me again and said, “I've missed you, too.” He wiped away my tears with his thumbs. “Babe, don't cry. It's okay I'm here now.”

I just collapsed it into his arms, hiding my face in his chest. It seemed like I just couldn't stop crying as all of the emotions I couldn’t name fought their way free. He held onto me, and kissed the top of my head. “Babe, I'm here,” he whispered misunderstanding me completely. “I'm right here.”

He took my face again, and held it in his hand as he wiped my eyes. "You look so beautiful right now. Please, don't cry." 

Claire was standing right next to me and began rubbing my back. She knew this was gonna happen, but even she sounded a little concerned. “Ciara, it's okay,” she assured.

Strangely it was the sound & feel of my best friend that seemed to reach me to calm me down, and not my boyfriend. I finally was able to pull myself together, but I still held onto him, and he held onto to me for a few minutes more until I managed to say, “I'm so sorry, babe. I’m just this blubbering mess & in the middle of the airport. This is so humiliating. I didn’t expect to be that emotional.” I nervously laughed. 

“Don't apologize,” he assured me, kissing me again. “I've missed you more than you could ever know.”

“We better go get your bags,” Claire chirped, awkwardly. I could see she was watching me carefully catching something that Tripp seemed to be missing about my reaction.

“No need, I just had my carry on.” He pulled on the strap of his backpack. My heart panged a little bit at another reminder of how short his stay was going to be. But it was accompanied by a strange sense of relief.

“Okay, well we better get going then,” Claire chimed in again. “Ciara, let me drive home okay?”

“Are you sure?” I asked, not really wanting to give up the distraction of driving home.

“I can drive if you want,” Tripp offered. 

“No, you guys need all the time getting reacquainted that you can get.” She smiled mischievously & winked. I laughed as another knot seemed to loosen as she calmed me with humor, tossed her the keys, and took Tripp’s hand in mine.

“Let’s go,” I agreed.

The three of us walked down through terminal and exited the airport with Claire chattering happily about her schedule with Bella & how she had worked things out with her professors. I was well aware of all this, but Tripp wasn’t since he’d been out of contact. By the time we got to the car & Tripp opened the door for me, my panic was gone, and things felt more normal. We both got in the backseat, and Claire started the car. Tripp put his arm around me and took my hand. All the nervousness and anxiety I was feeling just felt as if it melted away. No, that wasn’t exactly right, but it was back in its bottle & securely corked. His presence always used to put me at ease. I missed that, and squeezed his hand tighter, determined to get it back.

“You don't know how long I've been waiting just to be able to touch you again,” I whispered to him honestly. He kissed the top of my head.

“Tripp, how was your flight?” Claire asked.

“It wasn't bad, and it actually went pretty quick, even though time seemed like it was going in slow motion.” He pulled me closer to him. I closed my eyes, leaned into him, and cupped his face in my hand, rubbing his cheek like I used to.

“I'm so glad you're here right now,” I assured him—and myself.

“There's nowhere else I want to be,” he said, in a very familiar way that sudden made something inside me click into place. ‘This is Tripp. Just Tripp. He loves me & I loved him.’ And finally, the last bit of tension melted away & I kissed him for real.

“Aww, you guys are too cute,” Claire laughed, with no small amount of relief in it.

“When my professor told me yesterday that we had a 2-day break for professor meetings, I knew the only thing I wanted to do was come home. To you.” I nuzzled closer. “I know it's late, but I didn't want to wait until tomorrow, when I could wake up to you one more morning. So, thank you Claire for coming with her.”

“Well seeing as I didn't really have a say in the matter, anyway, I guess it's okay,” she laughed. “You know there was no way I was gonna let my CiCi drive by herself this late.”

“I just wish I had more time.” He gave my hand another squeeze.

I could finally honestly reply, “Me, too.” As nervous as I had been before at this point, it almost seemed selfish of me because I realized how much he really missed me. He really must have just been as busy as he said. But I knew I still had to talk to him about it, sometimes the little reassurances helped.

“I'm thankful for any time I get with you,” I said happily accepting another kiss. In that moment, I knew his kisses were something I would never get enough of. “Tripp, are you hungry? I know you probably didn't eat after your test. Just went home to pack & then straight to the airport." 

“Yes, actually I'm starving,” Tripp admitted.

“Where do you want to go?” I asked, pulling out of his embrace enough to look up at him. “Do you have a taste for anything in particular?”

“You don’t have to stop somewhere. Are you girls even hungry?” He asked us. “We can hit a drive-thru.”

“I had a salad before we left, but I could eat,” I replied. 

“I know what we need to do,” Claire squealed, her excitement tipping me off.

“Midnight Breakfast!” we echoed. Whenever Tripp came in late like this, we always stopped for breakfast because it was the best option for food at that hour. 

“I could go for a waffle with strawberries and whipped cream, for sure!” I said. 

“That sounds so good right now,” Claire agreed.

“We gotta go to our truck stop diner, though,” Tripp added. 

“Duh! Of course! I got this,” Claire scoffed.

Our place was a small diner that was at the Oasis right off the highway. We found it late one night about a year ago when the usual fast food places didn't sound appetizing to us. It was exactly halfway between town and the airport so it was perfect.

And within only moments, Claire was pulling into the parking lot and just like I had expected we were the only car there. We all got out of the car, but Tripp walked up next to me, grabbed my hand, and pulled me to a stop.

Claire noticed and called back at us, “I'm gonna go get our seats.”

I turned back to Tripp and asked, “Tripp? Something wrong?” 

“Nothing is wrong, babe,” he began. “I just want to tell you how sorry I am for being distant this past month. A lot of stuff was going on, and I know it's not an excuse, but I really am so sorry.” I could see the glint of tears unshed in the lamplight of the dark lot. As tough as this man tried to play, underneath it all beat the heart of a total softy.

I cupped his cheek feeling even worse for letting my insecurities ruin the best thing in my life. “No! Don't do that, or I will cry again, and everyone will stare.”

He laughed because no one was there around to see, except Claire. “Babe, I truly do love you. You’re so awesome, the way you deal with all of this and me and still manage to make me laugh.”

More sure than ever, I smiled. “I don’t deal with you. What you see is me supporting the man I love as he chases his dream, and you do the same for me. I love you. This is who we are together. Nothing can ever take that away from us.”

I had so much more that I had wanted to tell him—about the little doubts I've been having & how I've been feeling, but I knew in this moment, it wasn't the time. I didn’t want to ruin this amazing moment. I had time to tell him, not a lot, but I could save that part of this conversation for later.

He pulled me closer to him, and I put my arms around his neck. When he kissed me, I kissed him back with everything I had. 

“Babe, I do have some other stuff I have to talk to you about. But don't worry. It's school stuff, and we can talk about it tomorrow. Tonight, I just want to enjoy you. Everything else can wait for a bit.”

“Okay. Everything is alright, though?" 

“Yeah, Ci, it’s fine. Mostly about school and that crap.”

“Okay,” I accepted cautiously. “Well then, we’ll talk about it later.” I gave him another kiss and took his hand and said, “Let's go get something to eat." 

We headed into the restaurant, and I immediately spotted Claire in our favorite corner booth. We walked over to the table and sat down across from her, picking up our menus to look over.

“Gawd, I didn’t realize how starving I was. I’m so hungry I could eat one of everything,” Tripp growled.

“You usually do,” Claire teased with barely restrained laughter. 

“We should all be so lucky,” I agreed.

The waitress walked over to the table. “Can I start you guys off with a drink?

“I'll have a water with lemon, please." Claire said

“I'll have a Dr pepper,” Tripp decided.

“And for you ma’am?" the waitress asked me.

“Actually, a Water with lemon, sounds great for me, too, please.”

“Alright! I'll give you folks a few minutes to look over the menu, and I'll be back with your drinks.” And she was gone.

“I already know what I want,” I said, closing the menu. 

“Yep, me, too,” Claire confirmed

“Waffle?” I asked with a smirk. 

“Of course.” She smiled back. “What else is there?”

“Right! Same for me.” I winked at my bestie before turning to my boyfriend. “What about you, Tripp?”

“I'm gonna get the big breakfast & a waffle,” he answered. 

“So our usuals?” I said with a laugh. “We are so boring.”

The waitress came back to the table with our drinks just then, and we took turns ordering. The service was very prompt, and the food was amazing as usual. 

“Man, I love this place,” Tripp sighed as he eyed his steaming plate of food.

With everything else going on, it had almost slipped my mind that Tripp had a big test so as we all started to eat, I decided to ask about it. “I forgot to ask. How did your test go?”

“Hopefully, it went well,” he answered around a mouthful of food. “I can’t frickin’ wait for this semester to be over. This one more than any other has definitely been kicking my butt.”

“I second that, this semester has definitely seemed like the longest,” I groaned. “I can’t wait for summer to be here. But I might take one or two summer courses to get a headstart on my final credits. But I just can’t wait for you to be home to spend the summer with me.”

Tripp looked down on his plate, and it looked like he got a little bit uncomfortable. The shift in his demeanor was hard to miss. He swallowed heavily. “Yeah,” he replied awkwardly. “I hope this summer will be a good one.”

“Ugh, just to be in the summer sun again and able to work on my tan,” Claire sighed dreamily. “Yeah, summer can’t come fast enough.” 

“That reminds me!” I turned to Tripp and continued, “So the other day when I had lunch with my mom, she told me her and Rafe were planning a vacation to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina over the 4th of July. She extended an invite for you and I to join them. She knows how long I’ve wanted to go there to see the beach.”

“Um…” he grabbed the back of his neck, and seemed very caught off guard. I wasn’t sure why he wouldn’t be excited about it, but I didn’t get the feeling I would be much longer, either. 

“I mean if you don’t want to go, I can tell her we have other plans or blame it on school.” I was bummed, but trying be supportive.

“No, it’s not that,” he hedged. “I just wasn’t sure what my mom and dad would be up to that weekend. Let me check with them, and I’ll let you know.” 

“Okay.” I looked down at my plate, knowing he had just lied to me.

“Well, I know it wouldn’t be the same as going with Tripp, but we could go and make it a girls trip,” Claire suggested, trying to ease the tension.

“Yeah, that would be fun,” I agreed, as I continued to move the food around on my plate. With his lie laying in my gut like lead, I suddenly lost my appetite. Something just didn’t sit right with Tripp’s response... Why wouldn’t he want to go? And why would he lie about it?

“How is your mom doing anyway?” Tripp asked to change the subject.

“Yeah, my mom's not the most pleasant person to be around these days,” I explained. “She’s working on a big case, and under a lot of pressure to get it solved. I haven’t seen much of her but she still calls like everyday.” I said as I rolled my eyes.

“I think my mom and dad are going to be coming in this summer as well but around August, I can’t wait to see them I’ve missed them so much!”

Claire’s mom, Belle, is a Lawyer who works in a top law firm in Hong Kong, so she’d always been very invested in her job, and it put a strain on her relationship with Claire. My brother, Shawn, is a detective, but he actually comes to Salem a lot to visit and check on all of us.

“Really, Claire! That’s so awesome. It’s been awhile since your mom has been able to come with Shawn. We’ll definitely have to do a girls spa day. You, me, my mom, and yours.” I said.

“Yes! That sounds so relaxing!”

As present as Tripp was trying to be while we all finished eating, I've known him long enough to know something was bothering him. He was distant and looked worried. It had to be about the lie he’d told or whatever he needed to talk to me about. Maybe both.

“Well. We should definitely start heading back home. It's already 1:30am,” Tripp said suddenly.

He took the check from off the table and hurriedly paid so Claire and I were forced to stop trying to reach for it. Smart since he knew it could easily turn into a 30-minute argument about who would pay. We got up from the table as he paid at the counter, and left to wait for him by the car.

When he came out, he said solemnly, “Claire, let me drive the rest of the way, please.”

“Well, if you insist,” she replied, trying to keep things light as she tossed him the keys. It didn’t hurt that she had to have been tired. We both of us started work at 7am for the early shift since I had afternoon classes today and Claire would be quitting soon for the modeling job she won with Bella. Two girls sharing one bathroom meant we were up by 5 am. “I'm exhausted.”

She got into the back seat, and I sat down in the passenger's seat. Tripp started the car, and quickly merged back onto the expressway. Claire took her shoes off and leaned up against the window.

“Just wake me up when we're home,” she said, already well on her way to sleep.

Tripp took my hand in his and he said, “Babe, if you’re tired, too, it’s fine if you want to just sleep a little.”

I felt bad, but couldn’t resist the offer. “We were up so early this morning since we worked the am shift and then had classes.”

He kissed the top of my hand. And then said, “I'll wake you when we're home.”

I slipped my shoes off and leaned the seat back never letting go of his hand until I dozed off.


	4. Ciara

I woke up from the feeling of Tripp taking off my seat belt. I looked up and he said,  
"Babe we’re home. I got Claire in first and I was just going to carry you in."  
"No its okay I got it." He had my purse and shoes in his arm. He helped me out of the car.  
I walked up the driveway to the door. I noticed Claire didn't make it to her room she crashed on the couch so I got her a blanket from the hall closet and covered her with it. I walked into my bedroom as Tripp followed right behind me. I took my sweater off and threw it on the chair. Since we all lived in the loft Tripp had his own room upstairs but we mostly stayed in my room. He also had his own spot in my closet that had his clothes and two drawers of my dresser so sometimes when he came in town he only had his backpack which was mostly just for his electronics. I loved having some of his clothes in my room when ever I was having a bad day and I missed him alot I would cuddle in bed with one of his tee-shirts on.  
Tripp was already undressed and getting ready to get into the bed when I went to my dresser to get my pajamas,  
"Babe, I’m going to go wash my face really quick and change." I walked over to him and gave him a kiss on his cheek.  
I walked down the hall to the bathroom and shut the door behind me I quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth. Put on my pajamas and when I went back into the bedroom Tripp was already laying down. I walked over to the bed and laid down next to Tripp facing him he had his eyes closed and had fallen into a light sleep, I took his face in my hand and rubbed his cheek with my thumb he opened his eyes and pulled me closer to him. I continued to rub his face with my thumb, he did the same. Being with him in these moments made me feel so complete, I never wanted them to end I never wanted to let go. It almost made me feel safe again. I valued every minute we had together and never took them for granted.  
"I'm so happy your here right now." I said  
"Babe so much has been going on I feel like it's just been one thing after the next, I know it's been so hard but just know you're always on my mind."  
I gave him a kiss and I said to him,  
"I know it's a lot to talk about right now especially this late, but Tripp I know you enough to know that something is wrong. I can see it in your face. And the way you acted at the diner tonight I could tell something is off.”  
"Babe I promise tomorrow we will talk but for tonight let's just spend this time together."  
He gave me another kiss and leaned in over me I put my hands on his face and kissed him back. We went from kissing to touching to foreplay to having sex. I had lost track of time, he was the only thing that mattered to me in this moment. It made me realize how much I had missed being with him sexually, it had been so long since him and I had been that intimate with each other that I didn't even realize how much I was actually longing to be with him. Tripp was the only guy I had been with sexually and after my rape it took me a long time to be comfortable enough to be with him sexually, he was very patient with me and never rushed to pressured me to have sex with him.  
As we both finished he let out a deep breath,  
"Wow! Well I guess you did miss me then." I had said. I was laying on top of him as he was running his hands through my hair.  
"I can't even lie babe I've wanted that for so long."  
I giggled a little bit and put my head down,  
" I have too, but was it...okay" I nervously asked him and put my head down on his chest.  
he chuckled,  
"Ciara? It was amazing! Why would you ask that!"  
It went back to all the insecurities I had been feeling lately and all the doubts I was having, the possibility of losing him to another girl he went to school with and the thoughts of him giving into the feelings of being alone and him possibly cheating. I knew a lot of that stemmed from my own insecurities and trauma I went through from the rape and now wasn't the time to go over all this being so late so I said,  
"All girls have these feelings of not being good enough especially when they haven't been with their boyfriend for a few months."  
"Ciara don't ever think your not good enough you're all I need and every time with you is amazing." he kissed the top of my head.  
"I love you Tripp."  
"I love you Ciara." He smiled at me and I rolled over to find my tank top and shorts I put them on and got under the covers I cuddled in close to him and he wrapped his arm around me as I got comfortable nestled into his arm, I had my head on his chest and I wrapped my free arm around him falling asleep listening to his heart beat.


	5. Ciara

Chapter 5

“No, no, no! Please! Stop! No!!”

I was having another nightmare. However, this time in my dream, I was at home—in the loft, and somehow, Chase had found his way into my bedroom. I could feel the warmth of his hand as it wrapped around my mouth... feel his breath on my skin as got close to my ear and said, “Sshhh!! Ciara no one is home. No one can hear you.” I felt my blood turn to ice in an instant. “It’s just you and me,” he continued, as her worked to control me. “Don’t fight it, Ciara. I know you want it just as much as I do.”

The ice that had frozen me with fear melted in an instant & I began to kick my feet and swing my hands desperate to fight him off. But it didn’t matter, nothing I did seemed have any effect. No matter how hard I fought him, he was always stronger. In my nightmares, he always felt so large and dark and suffocating. Like a dark cloud that had been hovering over me that suddenly decided to swallow me up. The weight of his body on mine felt like a ton of bricks. I could feel the burn of my throat trying desperately to scream, but the tears stinging my eyes as they fell were the only relief I would find from the prison for his powerful embrace. It was as if I had lost my voice, and nothing could come out. Despite everything, I could never escape him, especially not in my dreams.

It wasn’t until he tried to remove my pants that I was finally able to release the scream that had been building in my burning throat. This could not be happening—not again. When the first scream escaped, I couldn’t hold back if I wanted to. Every yell came louder than the last: “Chase! No! PLEASE STOP!”

“NO!” I had tried to yell & screamed again and again, desperate to make him stop, but he wouldn’t. Just like the real life nightmare my subconscious was forcing me to relive, he never stopped. I was forced to again feel the heat of his breath on my face, to see the evil in his eyes, to fight desperately to make him stop, but to never win. Forever silenced & trapped no matter how loud I scream or hard I fought.

“No!”

I shot straight up in the bed. As I took numbly inventory, I acknowledged the perspiration dotting my skin & the way my body was tangled in the sheet. My cheeks were damp & my throat felt raw as if I had been screaming just like in the dream.

“Ciara!” Claire came running into the room on instinct.

It always took me a few minutes to collect myself from a nightmare. To reconnect with reality & break away from any remnants of my subconscious’ chosen form of torture. Each & every time… it felt so disturbingly real. Like I was living that day over and over in new locations with new backgrounds, but his every word & move and my incapacitation were forever the same. It was like it was on a loop.

I could never escape him no matter how hard I tried. No amount of therapy had every changed anything except their frequency. Thankfully, the nightmares no longer haunted me every night, but I rarely when to expect them. Something as simple as sleeping, something that was just a basic human necessity had became one of my greatest fears. Chase had done more than steal my virginity when he raped me, he’d taken up valuable real estate in my head & held an uncomfortable stranglehold over my dreams. I can’t even remember the last time I had a good dream. Then again, I rarely remembered my dreams. Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for my dreams. As my numbness started to fade, my head fell into my hands, and fresh tears fell.

Claire sat on my side of the bed, and Tripp had already pulled me into his arms. As I held onto him, my other hand scrambled for Claire’s.

“Ciara, it’s okay,” my best friend whispered, squeezing my trembling fingers. “He’s not here. I swear he can’t hurt you.”

“Ciara, look at me,” Tripp’s voice said said, joining Claire’s in an matching soothing tone.

I couldn't comply at first, still so overwhelmed & traumatized that tears just kept falling.

“Babe, please look at me,” he pleaded gently. “I’ve got you. It's okay. He will never hurt you again.”

He lifted my chin so I could look at him. I opened my tear-swollen eyes and meeting his gaze. See that protective look in my eyes, sent a wave of safety through me. I pulled him into me and rested my head on his shoulder unable to let go.

“Tripp, I'm sorry that I came running in here,” Claire apologized rubbing my back in the small circles she knew would soothe me. “I wasn’t even thinking. It's just become a habit, I guess. I’ll go to my room, and see you guys in the morning.” She paused, with her hand on my shoulder. “You okay, Ci?”

“I'm so sorry, Claire,” I managed to mumble as I wiped my eyes on Tripp’s shoulder, and tried to lift my head. 

“We’ve been over this,” she huffed in faux exasperation squeezing my shoulder one last time. “Do not apologize!! See you in the morning. Love you.” She paused to drop a kiss on the crown of my head before turning, walking out the door, and shutting it behind her. 

“Love you, too.” I called back weakly, just before the door clicked shut.

“Why didn't you tell me you were having nightmares again?” I could hear the worry in Tripp’s voice and that concern was the exact reason why I hadn't.

“First of all, you know they never really stopped completely,” I retorted defensively. “Besides... I didn't want you to worry about me.” A dark, bitter part of my mind whispered another reason, ‘It’s not that you were bothering to answer my calls long enough for me to say anything important. Maybe if you’d bothered to be available.’ I shut that thought down as I looked away.

He put his head down as he’d heard the thought I was suppressing. “How often have you been having them?” He asked.

“At least once a month,” I answered vaguely & then realized lying was not going to help. “At first. Now, they’ve been happening at least once, maybe twice a week if I don’t take the sedative, Dr. Evans prescribed.”

He let out a heavy breath. “When?”

“The past 3 months or so.” 

“Babe!” he gasped pulling me into his chest. “I'm so sorry. I wish you would have told me.”

“Tripp,” I sighed. “I knew how worried you'd be and you didn't need that kind of distraction. Marlena thinks it’s just stress. And God knows it’s been a stressful for both of us preparing for senior year. And I can keep busy during the day, but sometimes, it’s hard at night. Being alone, after I got so used to having you with me at night. That’s why Claire rushed in. I know it’s probably silly, but some nights, she stays with me.” 

“You always put everyone before yourself,” he grumbled, pulled me closer & dropping a kiss on my head. He held me so tight. “This has been so hard on both of us, but you've made so many sacrifices for us. I love you so much. I want you to know, Ciara. He will NEVER hurt you again. I won’t let him.”

“I love you, too, Tripp.”

I lay limply in Tripp’s arms despite the slight tension I felt in my gut. I was just so physically & emotionally exhausted that I had 0 energy make sense of everything I felt. Tripp laid me down, and rubbed my forehead with his thumb while I laid curled on my side with my face nuzzled into his chest. Knowing he was right here, with me, did ease my mind some. At least it did until I remembered it was temporary because in 2 days he’d be gone again, and I’d be alone once more. I held him a little bit tighter and tried to push all of my feelings aside, focus on that fact that I was safe with him.

But just as I was drifting off again, my mind seemed to race with unanswered questions: ‘Why were my dreams making such an intense comeback lately? Tripp is my safe place & I never had nightmares while he was with me after the early days. So, why had this on come tonight? Maybe it was the fear of him not being here for long and the feeling of the loneliness I’d feel once he was gone. Or not knowing how long it would be between this trip the next time I would see him again.’

“Ciara, just go to sleep & deal with all this tomorrow,” I whispered, in a soft voice. I snuggled close to my boyfriend, and concentrated on listening to his heartbeat. It didn't take long for my exhaustion to take hold and to drag me into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	6. Ciara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting harder and harder to write Ciara with Tripp...but I promise a light is coming ! Also since Tripp has no guy friends On the show I decided to give him a best friend in this story and his name is Tyler Stevens. Hope everyone is still enjoying ;)

Chapter 6  
Hours must of passed as the morning light was shining in the bedroom I rolled over and looked at the clock it read 1130. Tripp was already awake as his side of the bed was empty, I could hear him talking he was in my closet. It took me a few minutes to make out part of his conversation he was talking low but I could still hear what he was saying because the door to the closet was open,  
"No I haven't told her any of this yet. Why would I worry her with something like this when I don't even know what's gonna happen yet."  
There was a long pause. I moved myself closer to Tripp’s side of the bed. I almost felt wrong for eavesdropping but I have known something has been bothering him so I was very curious to know what it was.  
"Well how can I turn this opportunity away? This is something I have been looking forward to, this is what I’m working towards. This is huge for me but it puts a black cloud over my relationship with Ciara. I don’t know how she’s going to feel about this.”  
" That's because she knows me better than anyone else we look at each other and we know something's off, I have to tell her what's going on before she starts asking more questions that I can’t give the right answers too.”  
I quickly sat up what was he talking about was all of this referring to school or something else. I prayed it wasn't anything else. I was now more than ever worried about what direction this conversation was going to go. This explained why he has been so distant, why he needed to talk to me, was he really doing something behind my back? I couldn't even bear the thought of him doing that to me I could tell something had been bothering him he was right we could look at each other and know that.  
"When I finally get the call about this and they make their decision it’s going to be really hard to turn this away. I don’t know how she’ll feel but I’m hoping she’ll understand.”  
I didn't want him to know I had been listening so I laid down and rolled over and closed my eyes as I continued to listen.  
"Today? Okay, I'll be waiting for the call then. Bye Dad."  
I could hear the frustration and annoyance in his voice, he walked out of the closet and came over to the bed and sat down. I closed my eyes. I could hear him take a few deep breaths, he laid down next me and wrapped his arm around me. So much was going through my head, I had so many questions so much to tell him but I didn't want him to know I was listening so I had to be patient and wait for him to start this conversation with me.  
He began rubbing my forehead with his hand and we laid there like that for what seemed like forever. I rolled over to face him and opened my eyes he took my face into his hands and kissed me.  
"Morning." He said  
"Oh my god Tripp? What time is it? I can't believe I slept so late.” I tried to play it off that I was just waking up.  
"It’s okay babe you needed to sleep it's 12."  
"That’s probably the latest I've slept since I was in high school" I laughed.  
I rolled over onto my back and Tripp came closer to me and put his head on my shoulder. I took his hand and began rubbing the top of his hand with my thumb.  
"Ciara, I have to talk to you about something."  
" Okay you can talk or tell me anything. You know that.”  
The knots that I was feeling in my stomach seemed to intensify.  
"Well back a few months ago when my dad came down to Nashville to visit he told me about this internship program they had for the ISA in London. He put my name out there to one of the top agents who sort of owed my dad a “favor” and my dad told me to apply and they put me on the top of the list. "  
I felt a huge wave of relief rush over me. It was and has been about school this whole time. It almost made me feel bad for what I had been thinking. But like I have always said any girl in my position would feel the same way as me. Long distance was hard being in college when girls basically threw themselves at him. He was good looking, charming. The type of guy all the girls wanted. Why wouldn’t he want a girl like that? Not some broken, damaged girl.  
"London really ? How are you feeling about that?” The feeling of relief was soon replaced by a gut wrenching knot in my stomach again. Him being in Nashville has been a struggle for us. Let alone him being thousands of miles away. I could not let him know how I was feeling or show it in my face. I had to show and tell him my support.  
"Part of me babe really is excited about this. This would be a huge opportunity for me and for my career in the future, this is my dream job to be up in the ranks like my dad. To follow in his footsteps. I never thought it would happen so fast for me. But then there's you, and us. I'd be gone from May to Sept, summer is always something we look forward too. I don’t want to put all those miles between us. I know how hard it’s been especially lately. So I’m very torn"  
"Tripp This is an amazing opportunity for you. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I let my feelings for our relationship get in the way of your future. That would make me such a selfish person. A relationship is supposed to go both ways. I can’t believe you didn't tell me this sooner. I've been feeling like you've been pushing me away and being distant because to be honest I thought you were cheating on me. I've had so much that I wanted to talk to you about but now everything I was feeling almost makes me feel stupid and I feel a bit of relief in a way. Which in turn than makes me feel selfish. You shouldn't turn this offer away because of me. That's so unfair. Your dreams and goals of becoming an ISA agent are so important to you, it's going to be your career it's equally as important as me. Your happiness is just as important as mine. "  
I put my head down.  
"But Ciara you make me happy. I'm miserable at times because I'm not with you, I have to keep myself busy so I don't feel so lonely. So I don't think about it so much. I sometimes can't even FaceTime with you because when I see you it breaks my heart that I’m not with you, I hate being this far from you. And to move further away wouldn't be any better for me it would make all this worse. You're already feeling like I'm cheating on you what would being further away do? Your not selfish for wanting to be with me or to be closer to me. My career is very important to me yes, but your just as important. You put everybody before yourself, you make sure I'm happy before you’re happy and you’re right it has to go both ways. You need to start thinking about your happiness too. You should of told me how you were feeling along time ago, I'm a big boy you can tell me things and not have to worry if it'll make me worry or be upset. None of this has been easy for us but if I don’t go we’d have the summer to be with each other".  
" I know how important we are to each other and I know how hard this has been but I second guess it sometimes that you’re missing me. I was feeling as if I didn't matter anymore. That I was missing you and wanting to be with you and talk to you and Facetime with you but you were just too busy, that maybe you really just didn't care as much as I had. That you were adjusting a lot better than me. You being so far away sometimes makes me think crazy things when I'm not hearing from you. Girls practically throw themselves at you, what if one lonely night you found someone to fill my void? I know I can tell and talk to you about anything but I guess I was trying to prove to you that I could be strong I didn't want to seem weak or needy. I didn't even know how to bring that up to you. To know you were distancing yourself because of how much you missed me and how hard it was for you at times breaks my heart too. "  
"Ciara don't ever think I'm out there cheating on you. I would never do that to you, I'm sorry that's what you've been thinking but me being away for a few months at a time was just as hard for me. There are times when we FaceTime and you will just breakdown and I hate seeing you cry when I can't be there to make you happy or to make you feel better . Don't you ever for a second think I don't care about you, you are all that matters to me."  
"I love you so much and I feel so bad that I was thinking all these things and doubting you."  
He lifted my chin up with his hand and kissed me I put my hand on his face. He pulled me in his arms so tight, it was as if he was afraid to let me go.  
"I love you babe but you have to take this internship if they accept you. We will figure this out. It’s only for a few months. We can get through it.”  
“Ciara are you sure? I can only do this if I have your full support or else it would not feel right for me.”  
" Tripp that team is going to be so lucky to have you if you go. You’re going to do so great. From the stories my mom have told me the team in London is the top. They trained my dad as well.”  
" Oh I know I’ve met some of them personally my dad introduced us and they really are, amazing. Your uncle Shane runs the London Force he also trained my dad.”  
He put his hand behind my neck and kissed the top of my forehead.  
"So when are you supposed to get the word on your acceptance?”  
"I will know the decision by 6pm tonight."  
"I will head out after finals in May. I will come home for about a week and my dad will fly with me to London on a Saturday and get me situated. He has an apartment there that he’s going to let me stay at. He’s kept it for times he’s traveled there. I’ll start the internship that following Monday. Then I’ll come back to Salem for a week before school starts and then I’ll head to Nashville.”  
"That all happens so fast."  
" Yes it does.”  
“Well that explains why you got so quiet when I asked you about going to myrtle beach with my me, mom, and Rafe. I guess Claire and I will get our girls trip then.” As bad as I wanted to cry. As much as I wanted to scream out “No you can’t go! I’m going to miss you too much! You need to stay home and spend the summer with me.” I really did push back the urges to say those things, I pushed back the tears that were starting to well up in my eyes. This wasn’t about me. This was about Tripp and his future. I couldn’t stand in the way of that. The knots in my stomach tightened but I fought back the emotions and said,  
" Babe you really are going to be great. This is so exciting for you! I can't wait to see what the future has in store for you.”  
"It really is going to be awesome babe I’m going to be learning from the best but it will suck not going on vacation with you.”  
"I will be right here waiting for you when you get home, we’ll have many more chances to take vacations in the future."  
I gave him a kiss and then said,  
"Well, let the waiting game begin!"  
"It's stressful, I just want to know already."  
"Instead of waiting let's go do something so time will pass. How about we go visit your parents and call Tyler. I'm sure he's dying to see you. I'll invite and then we can go get dinner."  
Tyler Stevens had been Tripp’s best friend since they met in high school. He was as close to Tyler as I was with Claire. Tyler was always the life of the party and popular. He never let it get to his head tho.  
"Well my Dad and Kayla are actually in New York my dad just called me and we were talking about this. They are in New York for the week they decided to use some vacation time and escape for a bit. I'll definitely call Tyler. I miss his ass it'll be nice to hang out with him for awhile."  
"Speaking of your dad he's gotta just be so happy and proud. Your lucky to have him babe."  
"I Def don't take it for granted that's for sure."  
" Well then why don't we do this you call Tyler meet up with him and I'll see what Claire has going on and we could meet back here around 5, I'll make reservations for you and I to have dinner."  
"You wouldn't mind babe? It would be nice to see him for a little guy time."  
“I don't mind at all!"  
"I'll call him now then"  
He gave me a kiss and picked his phone up off the bed. He stood up and dialed his number it rang a few times I heard Tyler from the other end,  
"Dalton! What is up bro!"  
"Not much man just wanted to see if you wanted to meet up for some lunch."


	7. Ciara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s taken me so long for this update. Between writers block, vacation and a thumb injury it’s taken me sometime to get this chapter going I’ve made some progress on the next few chapters so I will be posting more this week and I finally know the direction I want to go. Hope everyone is enjoying :)

Chapter 7

I got up off the bed and pointed towards the door I wanted to go see what Claire was up too for the day. I opened the bedroom door and walked down the hall towards Claire's bedroom and her door was open, she was laying in her bed watching TV,  
"Hey Ci! How did you sleep?"  
"I slept okay after my nightmare last night. I can't believe I slept so late it's already 1245."  
"We haven't slept this late in so long it's been so nice to just relax. When I found out we were going to pick up Tripp I found coverage for work today so I took full advantage of that and slept in. I’m sorry that I came running into your room last night I heard you scream and it was just a force of habit  
I sat down facing her on her bed and said,  
"Don’t be sorry your there for me when Tripp’s not. I love you girl.”  
“Love you!”  
“So do you have any plans for today?" I asked  
"No, I figured you would be spending it with Tripp so I was gonna have a veg day."  
"Well he's gonna go meet up with Tyler for some lunch so I figured we could go to the mall. Tripp and I are gonna meet back here at 5 and head out to dinner around 530. I wanted to make reservations for us at for dinner."  
"Sounds good let me just change my clothes and make myself look human again."  
"Yeah I'm gonna just throw my hair up it's definitely a ponytail & converse day."  
"Amen sista."  
She Gave me a high five and I said,  
"Give me like 20 minutes and I'll be ready okay. I have so much I have to tell you."  
I stood up and walked to her doorway.  
"Is everything okay Ci? "  
"Yeah everything is okay. "  
"Okay hurry up then. "  
I turned and walked down the hall back into my bedroom. Tripp was in the closet he was in his boxers only I walked up behind him and put my arms around his stomach and kissed his shoulder. He turned around and put his hand on my waist and pulled me closer to him. I put my arms around his neck and gave him a kiss, he kissed me back and the trailed small light kisses down my neck to my collarbone. I took my hand and rubbed it across his stomach. He kissed me and then I said,  
"Babe let's save this for later."  
He kissed me on my neck again. The shoulder strap of my tank top fell down so he pulled it up,  
"Your killing me smalls."  
I let out a laugh. I kissed him and rubbed his face with my hand,  
"But it'll be worth it for sure."  
"Tease."  
I smiled at him as he got dressed. I turned to look for my favorite pair of jeans as I was reaching up for them on my self he smacked my ass. I turned around and gave him a look,  
"What? I couldn't help it."  
"Okay Mr grey.?"  
"If you want fifty shades, I can give you fifty shades.”  
I laughed. I gave him another kiss and found my red fitted v neck tee. I grabbed my converse and then walked over to the dresser to grab fresh pair of underwear and socks. I found my bra on Tripps side of the bed. He walked over to the bed and sat down to put his socks on. I got dressed and when I was finished he said,  
"You look cute babe."  
"Thanks! You don't look so bad yourself."  
He walked over and kissed me on top of my head.  
"Okay I'm gonna head out, I'll be here at like 5. I'm gonna use your car so I can get back with no problems is that okay?"  
"Its all yours. I'll see you in a bit then. I'm gonna make reservations at my grandmas restaurant, unless you want something else."  
"No way, that sounds so good. I could go for a good steak."  
"I figured you would want that."  
I gave him a kiss,  
"Love you babe."  
"Love you too."  
He turned and walked out of the bedroom. I walked into the bathroom and washed my face, brushed my teeth and put my hair into a ponytail I'd put my makeup on later and run the straightener through my hair but for now this would work  
I finished in the bathroom and turned to walk down the hall to Claire’s bedroom.  
"Claire you ready?“  
“I am. I heard Tripp leave already.”  
"Yeah he asked to just use my car so he wouldn't get tied up."  
She picked up her purse and phone off the top of her dresser, we both turned and walked out of the door down the stairs and out the door. We both got in her car, she put the car in reverse out of the driveway and began to drive. The advantage of living in Salem was being so close to everything you needed. The mall from our house only took 5 minutes.  
"Wanna get a bite to eat first and then head to the mall that way we could talk." I had asked.  
"Of course! I am starving! I know your gonna go to dinner so how about we go to Olive Garden we can do the salad lunch."  
" That sounds so good right now. "  
Olive Garden was in the same area as the mall so before I could blink she pulled into the parking lot. We both got out of the car and walked inside. The host seated us quickly in a booth. We both sat down and she had asked,  
" Your server will be with you momentarily. Could I start you both off with a drink?"  
"Yes I'll have a lemonade please." I had said.  
"And for you miss?" she asked Claire  
"I'll have the same." She replied.  
"Thank you." I said  
"You’re welcome, I'll be right back with those."  
She turned and walked away I set my menu to the side and asked Riley,  
"What are you gonna get? Just salad or more?”  
"Chicken Alfredo like always. I’m starving and what I won’t finish I’ll eat later since I’m staying in.” She set her menu on top of mine. "So tell me about last night!" she smiled at me.  
"Claire it was great. It felt so nice to have him so close. I miss him so much when he's away."  
"Oh I know you do.”  
“It’s getting harder for me every time he comes home and then leaves again. And now it’s going to be even harder.”  
“What do you mean harder?” She asked me with a worried look on her face.  
The waitress had came back to the table with our drinks. And took our orders. We handed her our menus.  
“So back to my question. What did you mean when you said now it’s going to be harder.” She asked me.  
“Well since the minute Tripp got in I knew something was going on. I just sensed something was off with him and last night he told me we needed to talk.”  
“Omg Ciara what did he do?”  
“No it’s nothing like that trust me I thought the same especially after I heard him talking to someone this morning very cryptic.”  
“Who was he talking to? About what!”  
“Just wait, So he finally tells me we need to talk. A few months ago when his dad went to visit him in Nashville he told him about an internship program the ISA has out in London that his dad put him on a list for. Well it’s more serious than he thought since he is on the top of the list for acceptance. So he was talking to his dad this morning.”  
“So is he going to go?” She asked.  
The waitress came back with our food and I filled my plate with the salad. And began to take a few bites, I began to answer Claire’s question.  
“Well he has been tossing the idea back and forth. If he goes it’s from May to sept so we would miss the summer together but if he stays yes we get the summer together but he’s turning away a chance of a lifetime.”  
“May to Sept? Wow that is a long time. Would he come home at all during that time?”  
“I don’t think he will. It’s a very strict program and the regimen is just as strict. He would be home for about a week after finals before he’d go there. Then when the program ends he’d be here for a week before his classes for the new year start again.”  
“Wow so all summer you’d see him only like 2 weeks? How do you feel about that?”  
I looked down and began to play with the fork in my hand and move the salad around on my plate. I looked back up at her.  
“To be completely honest with you. I’m very conflicted. Of course I want to be happy for him, this is a dream of his. This is what he is going to school for. What he is working towards, to even be considered for this is a huge deal. So what kind of girlfriend would I be if I don’t support him. If I let my feelings get in the way of something he wants.”  
“Ciara, that doesn’t mean you can’t be upset about it. That you can’t show emotion or have feelings. It’s only human for you to be upset about your boyfriend going across the globe for a whole summer.”  
“Oh Trust me Claire I am a wreck inside about it. I have a hard enough time as it is with him away in Nashville, to add another time zone and thousands of miles away I’m so upset about it. Especially with how I’ve been feeling lately. How bad my nightmares have been. I’m just...ughhh!”  
“Did you tell him how you feel?”  
I just gave her a look as if she even had to ask that question. I continued to eat my salad and then play with the straw in my drink. And she said  
“Ciara! You shouldn’t be afraid of telling him how you feel.”  
“Claire I’m not afraid at all to tell him how I feel. I know by telling him how I feel it will affect his decision and I don’t want to be the reason he turns this opportunity away. I fought the urge to tell him no, I held back my feelings because this was not about me this was about him and he needs to make this decision knowing he has my support. I know how bad he wants this I can’t come between that.”  
“I get that but you still have reservations about it that he should know. This is going to be hard for you. But whatever he decides you’ll have me. I’ll make sure to keep you busy. We’ll do fun stuff. Has his mind been made up or is he back and forth?”  
“It sounds like it has been since I’m supporting him. I told him it made sense why he froze when I asked him about vacation this summer. So I guess we’ll have to get our bathing suits ready and schedule some spa days.”  
“We’ll make this summer fun.!”  
We continued to eat our food until we finished and paid. We got back to the car and it was close to 3:00. We decided we would run to the mall. I wanted to pick up a new shirt to wear tonight. While we walked around the mall I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket I took it out and it was a message from Tripp and it read,  
“Thinking of you can’t wait to spend the evening with you tonight love you.”  
“Can’t wait. Love you too.”  
After trying on a few shirts I came across one that I liked. And found a cute pair of heels that matched well. We walked around the mall for a bit to kill some time. Then We left the mall and headed home. While we were in the car Claire looked to me and said,  
“You know Ciara Tripp is so lucky to have a girlfriend like you. You do everything to put him first and show him how important he is. I’d give anything to have a relationship like yours. Guys in this town suck!”  
“Aww Claire don’t worry you’ll find someone! Any guy would be lucky to have you!”  
“Well I thought I had him. But love is blind I guess.”  
Claire had just gone through a pretty nasty breakup with a very close friend of mine. Theo Carver. Theo and I grew up together and we’re best friends my family and his used to joke we’d be married one day we did try the dating thing but we just were better as friends. Him and I were very close so when Claire moved back to Salem I introduced them. They hit it off and began to date. Until this past Christmas there was an accident and Theo got shot accidentally by JJ my cousin. It was a very close call for Theo but against all odds he pulled through. It took a huge toll on Claire and Theo needed excessive therapy and they found the best for him in South Africa. A few months after he left Salem he told Claire it just wasn’t going to work and he needed to focus on getting better. Claire took it hard, very hard but I helped her through it.  
“We will find you someone! Maybe Tripp will find some nice, hot boys out in London!” I said.  
We both laughed and she said,  
“They do have really nice accents don’t they?”  
“Yes!” I exclaimed.  
“When will Tripp find out about his internship?” She asked  
“They will call him tonight at 6:00 that’s why we decided on dinner so we could be out keeping busy when he gets the call. A nice distraction for him.”  
Suddenly the knot in my stomach returned. It was just a matter of time now till I would prepare to spend the summer without him. As I had been doing I pushed the feelings away and fought back the tears yet again. This was going to be one long summer.


	8. Ciara

Chapter 8  
We pulled into our driveway and I grabbed my bags as I got inside I told Claire I was going to borrow the bathroom and get ready. I brought my things into my room and went into my closet to find my black leggings and put them on the bed with my bags since I would be wearing my new shirt with my heels. It was 4:15 when I looked at the clock while I began getting ready in the bathroom until I heard a knock.  
“Claire? Are you okay.”  
The door opened and Tripp popped his head in the door,  
“Hey! It’s me babe, I wrapped things up early with Tyler. Is it okay if I jump in the shower?”  
“Of course. I’ll just move into the bedroom.”  
I walked over and gave him a kiss. He opened the door and walked in.  
“Did you have a good time with Tyler?”  
“It was nice to see him it’s been awhile! We grabbed a bite to eat then went to the gym for a little workout.”  
“Aww I’m glad you got to see him.”  
I kissed him on the cheek and grabbed my makeup bag.  
“I’ll be in the room. Take your time.”  
I tossed my phone to the side and sat down at my vanity and began to fix my hair. I looked in the mirror at myself for a few seconds, and began to think about how this night was going to go. I still had so many emotions and feelings about all of this that I kept suppressing. Was it selfish of me to feel this way? Was I over reacting? It was only a few months right? But it was hard for me with Tripp in Nashville and Nashville was not that far at all. He has been distant the past few months as it is,was this going to make things worse? I knew if I showed him any emotion it could affect his decision and just like I told Claire I didn’t want to be the reason he turned this away but a small part of me wanted him to choose me over an internship,But I knew that wasn’t going to be the case. A small part inside of me pained to that feeling.  
“Do what you always do Ciara. Put on your brave face! You’ve been through worse things.”But “Ughh”who was I kidding this was going to be hard.  
I finished my hair and then did my makeup. I finished my look off with some red lipstick. I walked over to the bed and put on my outfit just as I was sitting on the bed putting on my shoes the bedroom door opened up and Tripp walked in he had a towel wrapped around his waist and said.  
“Wow! You look amazing.”  
“Well you don’t look so bad yourself.”  
I stood up and gave him a light kiss on his cheek,  
“Sorry babe I don’t want to get this red lipstick all over you.”  
“That wouldn’t bother me one bit.”  
I wrapped my arms around his neck well we need to save that for later. I kissed him and then said,  
“You get dressed I’ll be waiting for you in the living room.”  
I reached for my phone on the bed and walked to the living room and sat on the couch.  
I felt my phone vibrate and saw I had a text message from my mom.  
“Hi honey just wanted to say hi! Miss you, let’s do lunch on Sunday.”  
“Hi mom miss and love you too. Sunday sounds good I get off at 4 so let’s do dinner instead I have to catch you up on a few things.”  
“Is everything okay?”  
“Yes everything is good.”  
“Okay sweetie I’ll see you on Sunday.”  
While I waited for Tripp to get dressed I scrolled through my newsfeed. A article caught my attention as I clicked on it the headline read,  
“Ben Weston the necktie killer up for early release do to mental breakthrough.”  
“No way! They would never let him out.”  
Ben Weston was a serial killer that killed 3 Women in the town of Salem a few years ago and almost killed my cousin Will but he Miraculously survived the attack. He had also kidnapped my cousin Abby while she was pregnant with her son Thomas and brought her to a cabin and left her for dead with her husband chad who had found her. He tied them to a bed in the cabin she was stuck inand set the cabin on fire. He was nicknamed the necktie killer by his method of Murder, he strangled his victims with a necktie. That ran a chill up my spine thinking about it.  
The article went on to explain how he had a mental breakthrough with therapy from Dr. Marlena Evans. He was deemed insane during the time of the murders. He had a mental snap due to the trauma of his childhood and was working to become a member of society again.  
“Like anyone in their right mind would deem him sane.” I said out loud as I exited off the article. But why would Marlena try to support him. Marlena was a close family friend and the same Doctor, the only dr I trusted to see for therapy about my rape.  
Tripp has walked into the living room and asked,  
“Find who sane?”  
“Oh I was just reading a news article it was about the possibility of Ben Weston the necktie killer being released from the mental hospital.”  
“No way would anyone let that psycho out didn’t he kill 3 people?”  
“Yes and almost my cousin Will, Abigail and Chad.”  
“Well no one in their right mind would let a monster like that out”  
“They said something about him having a mental breakthrough from the therapy he’s receiving.”  
“That man needs more than therapy. Well enough about that let’s go before we’re late.”  
The both of us headed to the door and got into the car. Tripp drove and the car ride was very short to the restaurant Doug’s place. It was owned by my grandma Julie who named it after my grandpa Doug. My mother’s father. As I went to open the door of the restaurant Tripp stopped me.  
“Close your eyes.”  
“What why? Tripp what did you do.”  
“Just close your eyes!”  
I laughed and he took my hand as I covered my eyes with my other hand. He lead me through the door,  
“Okay open.”  
As I opened my eyes I saw that the restaurant was decorated with flowers and candles. The lights were dimmed. No one else was in the restaurant it was just him and I.  
“Tripp omg you did all this for me.”  
“Of course I did.”  
“How did you even pull this off!”  
“Well I pulled a few strings with the owner. And got Tyler to help me decorate this afternoon.”  
I laughed and I gave him a kiss and a hug  
“Babe this is amazing. Thank you! I bet my grandma got to excited to help you with this. She’s a sucker for classic romance.”  
“Don’t thank me. I did it because I love you. She was more than eager to help me that’s for sure.”  
He gave me another kiss and said,  
“I love you!”  
“And I love you.”  
He walked me over to the table that had my favorite wine waiting for me on ice. He pulled the chair out for me to sit down and poured me a glass of wine  
“I hope you don’t mind having a steak for dinner I had Julie put the orders in so we wouldn’t have to wait so long to eat.”  
“Not at all I was going to order that myself. I still can’t believe you did all this!” As I looked around the room.  
“Well I know how you’ve been feeling lately and I haven’t been the best boyfriend so I wanted to do something for you during this short time I had with you.”  
“I absolutely love it!”  
“I know the next coming months are going to be hard for us. But having your support means everything to me.”  
I took a drink of my wine. And said to myself “Dont you cry Ciara!” I swallowed and took a breath,  
“Of course you have my support. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t.”  
“It means more to me than you could know.”  
“I know it does.”  
I took another drink of my wine. I’m not sure if one bottle was going to get me through this but it was the only thing that was keeping me from being an emotional baby. Throwing a fit because she didn’t want her boyfriend to go away to another country for the summer.  
I continued to drink my glass until the server who was on duty brought our dinners to the table I started to feel a little buzz as I poured myself a second glass. I looked up at the clock on the wall it was already 5:45, I cut into my steak and began to eat.  
“This steak is delicious.” Tripp exclaimed.  
“It really is. Only 15 mins until you get your call.”  
“I know I feel like time is just dragging. I want to know what the answer is going to be.”  
“Well I’m sorry to be such a bore.” That had to of been the wine talking.  
“No! No, not at all that’s not what I meant babe.”  
“Uh huh. I know what you meant.”I said sarcastically  
I continued to eat and sip on my wine. “Your just excited to get on a plane far away from me.” I thought. How could he not sense any of my mood at all? Maybe I was doing a really good job of masking it. Or maybe he was just that excited to go. Was I selfish for wanting him to just be a little upset.  
“Babe are you okay?”  
“Me? Of course. I’m just fine” I could feel the wine catching up to me.  
Just then his phone rang.  
“Saved by the bell.” I thought as I poured myself another glass.


	9. Ciara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wa feeling like giving up and throwing in the towel my small group of friends encouraged me not to. They gave me advice on the way. I just wanted to thank all of them you guys have been so amazing I’m so thankful . A big, big shout out goes to Russ for sparking something in me and helping me figure this out. And of course my girl Toni! Who always has my back even if I put my foot in my mouth. For Inspiring me from day one. I’m so thankful for my friends even if we’ve never met before, I’ve felt I’ve known you for so long!!

Chapter 9  
As I sat at the small oval table I continued to drink my wine and ate my steak in between sips. The room began to spin a tad and I felt a wave of heat overcome the room. As I finished off the glass of wine. I wasn’t as focused on Tripp’s conversation as I was with trying to keep myself balanced. For most, drinking 3 glasses of wine isn’t an issue but I rarely drank and in less than 20 mins I drank them so they definitely were catching up to me fast. Claire always made fun of how much of a lightweight I was. I needed to get myself together to get through this evening. I stood up and pointed to the corner of the room where the bathroom was. The room continued to slowly spin and it was making me feel completely off balance. I somehow made it without falling but I tripped over the threshold of the door as I pushed it open with my hand with more force than I intended. Of all days to choose to wear heels. Great idea Ciara. I looked at myself in the Mirror and put my hands down on the counter to balance myself. I was not looking forward to the excitement Tripp was going to have when he hung up the phone that meant I had to fake nice and pretend everything was okay. Why do I always pretend things are okay when their not, why is it so hard for me to tell people how I really feel? For once I just wanted to tell them without the anxiety I would feel thinking that I would be hurting their feelings. Why was I being so selfish about the fact that I didn’t want Tripp to do this Internship. “I don’t know Ciara could it be the fact he’s halfway across the world and has been planning this for months without telling you till his mind was already made up?” I thought to myself. I really was drunk to be battling myself in my head like this. I took a paper towel and dabbed the small amount of sweat that was forming on my forehead and let out a big sigh.  
“Ciara get your shit together!”  
I turned and walked back out of the bathroom to the table,  
“Alright dad I can’t wait. This is such an honor thank you so much for doing all of this for me. Ciara is back at the table I’m going to tell her the news and finish our dinner.”  
I poured myself another glass. “Fuck it, go big or go home. I can handle 4 glasses of wine.” I thought to myself.  
“Love you too dad. Bye.” And he put the phone down on the table.  
“You don’t even have to tell me. You got in.” I said as I continued to take sips from my wine.  
“I actually did! I cannot believe it. My dad had to pull major strings for this.”  
“Oh I’m sure he did. This is usually a program that college graduates get into after college.”  
He was smiling from ear to ear. I really didn’t want to ruin his moment but the happier he got the more angry I became. This was so easy for him to just leave me for a whole summer.  
“I am so happy to be celebrating this with you tonight Ciara your support about this means everything to me.”  
“That’s me Ciara the supporting girlfriend.” I raised my glass as if I was making a toast.  
“I’m confused Ciara what does that comment mean exactly?”  
“It doesn’t mean anything Tripp just that you have my full support. That’s what you want right?”  
“I just thought you were happy for me about this your response right now has me confused?”  
“What’s there to be confused about? You want me to be happy for you. I’m happy.” I took another drink from my wine. I looked down at my plate of food that I barely touched and was now already Luke warm and unappetizing for me.  
“Ciara your having a funny way of showing your happy right now.”  
“Tripp I’m being supportive of you the best way I know how.”  
“When we talked about it this morning you encouraged me. You supported the idea of me going, now I get the phone call and it changed.”  
“Tripp what kind of girlfriend would I be if I stopped you from this. If I let my feelings get in the way of something you’ve dreamed of doing. How selfish would that make me?”  
“So then your not okay with me going.”  
The room began to spin some more as I felt the anger building up inside of me and the temperature of the room must of went up 20 degrees. I picked up my glass of wine and held it in my hand.  
“Do you want my honest answer to this Tripp or the answer I’m supposed to tell you.”  
“I think you’ve drank to much wine tonight Ciara. You were completely fine about this till we got here, maybe this was a bad idea. I try doing something nice for you and this is the thanks I get.” He took the glass out of my hand and put it down on the table.  
“ So I try to tell you my honest answer about this Tripp and you tell me I’m drunk. Well guess what. What if I told you I’m not okay with you going. That I want you to stay with me for the summer. What’s that going to do now Tripp? Change it for you? You basically had your mind made up before you told me. You kept this from me for how long? About 3 months? That’s when your dad surprised you with a visit.” I felt as if the whole entire room was spinning around me.  
“I didn’t know how to tell you Ciara. I didn’t want it to put a strain on our relationship.”  
“You didn’t know how to tell me Tripp? And a strain on our relationship? Hello! It’s been strained for months. You distanced yourself from me and Lay all of this on me over a 48 hour trip home? Tell me your going half across the country for 4 months when I barely see you now. Now why not add thousands of miles and a whole nother time zone. It’s so easy for you to walk away from me. I was keeping all this in for you Tripp. I didn’t want to be the reason you turned it away tonight. I didn’t want my feelings getting in the way of something you wanted. Because clearly your mind was made up! You didn’t think to have a conversation with me in the beginning you wanted to wait till you basically knew your answer so I would tell you to go for it because that’s what I always do put everyones feelings before myself.”  
“I can’t believe this right now. I struggled with telling you because of how hard it’s been on us lately. How much I see it breaking your heart we’re not together. How was I supposed to tell you I was going to go away to London for the whole summer.”  
“You can’t believe what Tripp. That I’m not running down the sidewalk skipping, holding your hand and singing a song about how happy I am about you going away for 4 months. Its breaking my heart because you’re being distant with me! Its putting doubts in my head about what you could be doing. Having a conversation with me about this being something you want to do would be better than how you went about it today. I saw how excited you got about it. How could I of said no as much as I wanted too. I want your heart to be broken too. I want you to want to be with me as much as I want to be with you. A part of me even wanted you to choose me over London. This was why I was holding in my feelings about all of it Tripp. I didn’t want to seem like I was throwing a fit trying to get my boyfriend to chose me over a dream of his. His damaged, Broken emotional girlfriend.”  
“Ciara I love you and want to be with you but this is my future. Something I want for myself. That doesn’t make me not love you or not want to be with you. It will be hard for me too. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this before and sprung it on you now I didn’t know how to bring this up without getting you upset.”  
“This is what your failing to understand Tripp you had me in a vulnerable position. I keep telling you I don’t want to be that girl that makes her boyfriend choose between her and a job! I didn’t want my feelings getting in the way of your decision but from all your telling me your mind was made up before you even told me because you knew I wouldn’t hold you back from this. I feel like a broken record repeating the same thing over and over. I pushed my feelings aside for you. But a part of me wanted you to do the same to put me before anything else. I know it’s just for a summer but we have been going through a lot lately and this will only distance us more. I was hoping the summer would bring us closer together not further apart Tripp.”  
“So your saying now you don’t want me to go?”  
“No Tripp your going regardless of how I feel. Even if you said forget it I’m staying home that would be from guilt not from wanting to stay as a first choice. I’m trying to tell you I wish a part of you didn’t want to go. Like a part of me that doesn’t want you to go. A selfish part of me wants you to want to choose me over London. But I know that is not going to happen.”  
“Ciara I’m really sorry. I don’t think anything I say right now is going to make you feel better. But I love you and your the most important person in my life and I need your support on this. I need you to be okay and trust that everything is going to be alright.”  
I picked up my glass and finished the remains of the wine and grabbed the bottle again very little was left so I finished it off and said,  
“I love you to Tripp but your right about one thing nothing you say is going to make me feel better about this because you're not saying anything to make me feel better about this. Why do I have to be okay Tripp. Why? Am I not allowed to feel the way I’m feeling? I have a right to feel this way. You need me to be okay. I’ll never be okay. You fail to see that. Maybe I need you to be here for me. Put more effort into me instead of pushing me away because it hurts you to much to see me upset. Please! That’s a lame excuse maybe if you talked to me more I wouldn’t have all the doubts I’ve been having or feel the way I’m feeling.”  
I was repeating myself over and over. He was saying nothing to make me feel better but yet kept telling me I had to be okay for him. What about me? What about how I felt. I was so angry and I know it was all the alcohol I had consumed but I was proud of myself for standing up for my feelings and not crying about it. I was shocked I wasn’t crying. I felt like I was on a carnival ride spinning around in circles. I felt everything hit me at once I quickly stood up and almost took the whole table down with me.  
“Ciara sit down. You can Barely walk.”  
I struggled to remain composed but I needed some fresh air. To be away from him right now. I felt like I was being suffocated. I picked up my purse from the table, took my heels off because walking in those would be like stilt walking but trying to form a coherent sentence was going to be impossible with how quickly the wine hit me.  
“Trippp jussstt stop….Telling me what to do. Don’t follow me I’m calling Claire.”  
“Ciara wait.” Tripp stood up to follow me  
“Trippp alll I doooo is wait for you!!! I’m leaving please do nottt follow me home. Go to your dads house tonight you have a key. I’m having Claire pick me up.”  
“I have to leave at 7am tomorrow.”  
“ Welllll I’ll seee you in May than.” I turned and stubbled my way out of the door.  
I somehow made my way to the Bench and sat down I dug my phone out of my purse and dialed Claire’s number she answered on first ring.  
“Ciara? What’s wrong”  
“Clllairee. Evveryythinng. Can you pleaseee pick me up at my grandmass resssturrant?”  
“I’ll be there in 5.” She quickly hung up the phone. All of the tears and emotions I had been holding in quickly came spilling out as I sat there waiting for Claire on that bench I turned back at the door and thought for a second Tripp would follow me tell me he was sorry and that everything was going to be okay. Apologize for not telling me his plans and I would apologize and he’d take me in his arms and hold me. But just as he’s been doing a lot lately which was nothing disappointment set in as the door remained closed with him behind it on the other end.


	10. Ciara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was one of the hardest yet most exciting chapter for me to write. The beginning of the end...FINALLY! Que in fhe time jump, I could not of gotten through this without the help of Russ...and KaySeeingSparks! Thank you both for giving me the push I need and the inspiration to keep going even when I wanted to give up. Countless conversations of my rambling and setting it to me straight about chapters none of us liked...I told you it’ll all start coming together and here is the start...

Rolling over in bed, I could feel it. The intense pain of the hangover I'd dreaded the night before was ready to greet me the moment I open my eyes. The morning light was blinding as it poured through my bedroom. I lean over to see the clock on my side table says 10:15. 

“Oh, Ciara what did you do last night?" 

The rest of the night was a blur after Claire picked me up from the restaurant - clearly I made it home and she helped me to bed. I stare blankly at the ceiling, remembering flashes of Claire sitting with me listening to my drunken incoherent rant through my sobs. Sitting up is not happening, it's impossible as the pain in my head intensifies, so I go for putting it gently on my knees instead to keep the world from spinning any further. Tripp really did not make any attempts to make things better. 

I know I had told him not to come back home... but I was drunk. Why wouldn’t he follow me? Was he mad at how I reacted? Well of course he was mad. I’m sure he was mad with my reaction. I was supposed to support him. That was the right thing to do. But, drunk or not - I made some very valid points. And I am really sick of everyone telling me how I should feel and what's right. He didn’t take my feelings into consideration at all. My sober mind was just just as angry as my drunk one - alcohol just gave me an excuse to admit it. 

He was basically telling me how I needed to feel, that I had to support HIM... but brushed aside my feelings on the matter. Not to mention the very lame attempt to make me feel better... I'm frustrated just thinking about it. I pick up my phone from the side table looking for a distraction. 

Two missed calls and texts from my mother... that definitely won't help this hangover from hell. 

"I am so not in the mood right now.” I say to myself, knowing I don't have the energy to fight with her, or worse, talk to her about Tripp. I’m sure the news of my drunken actions made their way through town. I’ll call her later... clearing off the other notifications I see I have another unread voicemail - this one from Tripp. I stare at the screen, debating if I should just delete it without listening... and then I click on the notification and put the phone to my ear. 

“Ciara... well, I was hoping I didn’t have to talk to you through your voicemail but I’m sure you're probably still asleep right now. But Ciara, I’m really sorry about how everything went last night and was really hoping I had your support on this. I’m sorry for our argument and didn’t want to leave things on bad terms since we didn’t have much time together. I thought it would be better to just give you your space and let you calm down. I hope you will call me so we can work this out. I love you so much, and we’ll figure this out. Everything will be okay, I promise.” 

I toss my phone down on the bed. "I hope so too, Tripp." I think out loud, but the knotted feeling in my stomach returns as I do. Leaning my head back on my pillow I bury myself in the blankets again, letting out a heavy sigh.

This was definitely going to be one long summer. 

........October........

I shifted my weight in the hard plastic chair of the airport terminal. A nervous, anxious energy is rushing through me - I haven’t done something this impulsive in along time. After encouragement from Claire (and my mom buying me the first plane ticket available out of Salem) I was actually going to surprise Tripp in Nashville. And even though I'm grateful, part of me thinks she did it so I couldn't change my mind...

“Good afternoon passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 89B to Nashville. We are now inviting those passengers with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately 5 minutes time. Thank you.”

I reached down into my bag and got out my boarding pass. Picked up my backpack that was next to me and swung it over my shoulders. Since I was only staying for the weekend and rode my motorcycle to the airport it forced me to pack light. I made my way to the entrance to board. I looked up as the now boarding sign flashed on as I handed the attendant my ticket she smiled and said to me,  
“Please enjoy your flight thank you for flying with us today.”  
“You’re welcome.”

I quickly boarded the airplane and found my seat, of course my mom got me a window seat. Their were not that many people on board and I was fortunate enough not to have anyone sit next to me. I dug for the headphones in my bag before I placed my bag in the overhead compartment above me. I put them in my ears and turned my playlist on shuffle. 

Luckily the time from Salem to Nashville was just a little over an hour. I still could not believe I was doing what I was doing . I got situated in my seat and began to stare out the window as the plane took off .

To say things haven’t been the best is an understatement. Summer came and went and the only time I had seen Tripp was before he had left for London in May. The visit itself came and went faster than I could blink. We never talked about our fight. It was almost as if it never happened to begin with so of course it ultimately left my feelings invalid to him. His priorities over trumped everything. I just learned to accept that and move on nothing I could say would change anything. His mind was made up months before he told me. As much as he said he loved me I would always be second to him. I messaged and called him often in the beginning but to my disdain it fell on deaf ears as he consumed himself in school and his need to stay focused. So much so he never returned home after London. He had early enrollment classes he had to start and I fell second to that again. I had been used to it at that point I wasn’t shocked in the least. I stopped making the efforts to call, so when we did they were very brief and he always reassured me everything was okay. We never Skyped and it wasn’t even his excuse of my emotions being to much for him to handle since I rarely cried lately unless it was waking up from my dreams. My dreams had been the worst they had ever been. Therapy and sleep aids didn’t work for them at all. I spent a lot of time with Claire she did her best to keep me busy we didn’t bring up Tripp a lot. Not because she didn’t care but because it was just nothing to talk about. 

This was why going to see him was important I wanted to show him how much I still loved and cared for him and as much as I wished he would do this for me I couldn’t live in this limbo anymore. I had to do something to change it to get out of this riff with him. If if meant me being the one to take Initiative. Then that was just how it had to be. I wanted to get things back on track and not have that empty hole in my stomach. 

Things with us has just fallen apart so bad. But what was the cause? I never thought this would be us and that this would be where we were at, But here we were. This time it was me going to see him to try and salvage this relationship that was holding on by a thread. This has to prove I wasn’t just going to give up. It has to prove to him how much he mattered to me. For me to just push all the anger and resentment aside and fight for him. For us. 

I continued to just stare out the window for what felt like an eternity. I got lost in my music and pushed all the worry and doubts I had been having aside. 

Before I knew it the stewardess made her final in call announcement that we would be landing in 5 minutes no delays. I took the headphones out of my ears. My mom had arranged for a car to pick me up and bring me to his school. Tripp lived in a dorm right on campus so even if he wasn’t home I could just wait for him to return. 

I bounced in my seat as the plane landed and made its way down the runway. Within minutes I felt like I was making my way off the plane and into the terminal. My mom had texted me the location to meet my driver at the main terminal and he’d have a sign with my name on it. Since my mom was a cop I knew this wasn’t just your everyday “driver” but I didn’t ask any questions I was happy I didn’t have to make my way to the luggage terminal. It didn’t take me long to find my driver as he had a sign with my name as I approached he held the door open for me as I entered the car.

The drive from the airport to the campus was only 15 mins. Everything was very close in Nashville. The butterflies I had in my stomach quickly turned to elephants. I was feeling so nervous and anxious mixed with adrenaline and excitement I felt as if I could throw up.

As I reached the school I directed the driver where to park that was closest to his dorm and as the driver stopped the car I thanked him.  
I situated the backpack on my shoulders and took a deep breath I walked my way into the school and down the long hall it felt like it was pretty quiet for a Friday night even though their were groups of people throughout the hall. I approached Tripp’s door and something almost told me to turn and run the other way. Was I crazy for doing what I was doing?  
“Damn Ciara get it together!”

I took a long deep breath and held it in as I knocked on the door. No one answered after a few knocks so I decided to jingle the handle to see if the door was unlocked. As I did that it opened. I was going to call out Tripp’s name but thought the surprise of sneaking up on him would be better. I heard a few hushed whispers and a laugh of a girls. Why would a girl be in his room? It had to of been a friend. 

I walked a few feet into the room and when I looked out to the situation transpiring around me I felt as if I was hit by a freight train. I couldn’t even process what was going on around me. It was as if the whole room got flipped upside down I grabbed the wall for support to balance myself. 

My lips could barely form a sentence and my throat tightened up it was as if I forgot how to to speak but I somehow managed to yell out from deep inside of myself  
“Tripppp??” 

Their on my boyfriends bed was him and a girl. Him and a girl having sex.


	11. Ciara

The room around me continued to spin. I felt as if I was going to throw up right there on the floor. I almost fell but the wall behind me served as support. This wasn’t happening . This couldn’t be happening. I blinked my eyes a few times in hopes it would somehow all go away. My biggest fear was coming true. This has to be some kind of a joke my mom must of tipped him off to set me up with a prank. 

“Ciara? Ahh. Wh-what are you doing here?” He stammered out as he frantically tried to get his boxers on. 

As I let everything sink in I realized that it wasn’t a joke, right here in front of me was my boyfriend of three years cheating on me. He quickly stood up to meet me.

“I don’t know Tripp that’s a good question to ask, but what are you doing here? Studying?” I looked him in the eyes and looked over his shoulder to the Burnette that was sitting on his bed covered in only his sheet.

“Are you going to introduce me to your friend?” I shouted. 

As much As I wanted to break down and cry I didn’t. I was far too angry to cry. The anger that I had been holding in since April finally took over from deep inside of me

“Ciara! I can explain.” Tripp pleaded. 

Just as the words had left his mouth I lifted my hand and quickly felt a sting on my fingertips as my hand met his face. I didn’t give him time to say another word I had to get out of there. I quickly turned around and walked out the door. I was moving at an almost running pace as I got to the dorms main entryway where a group of people were all standing around 

“Ohhhh Dalton nice boxers what’s the occasion?” Some random person yelled out. 

I felt Tripp grab my arm I quickly spun around. “Ciara please stop. Let me explain.” He continued to plead. 

“Tripp! Do not touch me!” I yelled as I pulled my arm away.

“What’s there to explain Tripp huh? What? You have been pushing me away for months. Making 0 attempts to work on us. Went away for a whole summer. Only to come back home to “early enrollment classes”. Yeah I can see how those are going. So how long Tripp? How long has this been going on. Does she know you have a girlfriend.” 

“Ciara I wasn’t expecting you to come you didn’t tell me you were coming tonight.”

“ That’s because I wanted to surprise you Tripp. Try and show you I! Still cared. And what difference would it of made if I told you I was coming? Nothing Besides the fact you would of been able to hide her from me. Keep the lies up. How long have you been lying to me? Your really good at keeping secrets, did you even go to London this summer? Or did you stay here with her? What’s her name Tripp? What’s her name?” 

I pushed my fingers into his chest As he tried to come closer to me.

“Ohhhhh” someone in the distance Called out as I heard people around us whispering and laughing. Probably because Tripp was just making an ass of himself Right in the middle of his dorm. The louder I got the more of a crowd I was attracting 

“No Ciara it wasn’t like that. Of course I went to London this summer. I was very upset how things were left between us before I went away We weren’t in a good place. I wanted us to work out those issues before London but I knew how upset you were with me leaving. I needed your support but I wasn’t getting it so we both just swept all the issues under the rug and pretended not to have any. I threw myself into the program and gave you space. But neither of us really made an effort to fix anything.”

“What about how I felt Tripp? You kept that secret about going to London from me for months! Then just dropped it on me on a weekend home after not seeing each other for a few months. I had to be okay for you? What about you being okay for me! Not telling me how I needed to be there for you and support you. It wasn’t only about you Tripp. You didn’t once apologize for the fight we got in or even try to make me feel better for that matter.”

“Ciara you were drunk that night I thought you were overreacting.”

“Tripp I might of been drunk, but drunk or not that's exactly how I felt! The alcohol gave me the courage to say it. So not being a supportive girlfriend made it okay to cheat on me Tripp? I came here to work on us to try and make things better I knew how things between us were going. Deep down tho my gut has been right this entire time. I knew something else was going on I just didn’t know what it was. Clearly I was right.” 

Everything he was saying kept making me feel like this was somehow my fault. The anger was raging inside of me I could not believe he was trying to pin this guilt on me. 

“Ciara I didn’t mean for this to happen I was at a bar one night when I first got to London and Haley was there. I was upset over us and I just opened up to her about what was going on between you and I. How I was feeling. Then I found out we were in the same program. She became someone for me to talk to and open up with. As the weeks went on one thing led to the next and…”

He kept going on about their time in London and how he found out she would be enrolling in Nashville after the program ended. How she was a friend to him and understood him. I couldn’t focus on the words he was saying, It was more of how they were making me feel. Hearing her name Solidified all of this for me and made me realize this was deeper than a one night stand he was having an affair with her. Haley was her name. Did she even know about me? Or my name? I felt like I was a punching bag taking one blow after the next to my gut. I couldn’t listen to anymore. 

“Stop Tripp. Just stop! I don’t need to hear the details of your affair you manipulative Prick! While I’m at home worried about you and worried about us. Your opening up to another girl about our relationship? How about talking to me about it. Not telling me and reassuring me every time we talked that everything was okay. If you were so upset about us why didn’t you talk to me than? You didn’t mean for this to happen Tripp but you didn’t do a damn thing to stop it. I trusted you more than I have trusted anyone in my entire life. How could you do this to me. Does she know about me Tripp? Did she know you had a girlfriend back home waiting for you while you secretly slept around with another girl?”

He got silent. And stared back at me and what he said next took the little bit of strength I had left out of me. 

“I couldn’t tell you Ciara. I didn’t want to hurt you. I knew how broken you were already. That’s what made it so hard for me to tell you I was going to London in the first place, And when I got your reaction that night I knew it was going to be hard for you. I couldn’t fix anything because you wouldn’t let me. You told me not to follow you that night. So I gave you space and when I came home before I left I knew it was better to just not bring it up to hurt you more. I didn’t mean for Haley to come into my life but she was there and listened to me when I needed someone. My biggest regret is not telling you but I didn’t know how without…” 

“Without what Tripp? Breaking me more? I’m sorry I’m so broken and damaged for you. So broken you had to find comfort in another’s girls arms about it. Did you tell her about that too?”

I struggled to hold back the tears that were forming in my eyes. A few had escaped As hard as I tried to hold them back I felt them as they burned my cheeks as they fell. 

“Ciara. I…”

“Yeah Tripp I figured you told her that. Goodbye. We’re over. I hope your happy with her. I’m happy you finally found someone less broken as I am.”

I turned and started to walk away I didn’t turn back as Tripp called out to me. I didn’t stop as I heard Haley come into the hall and yell at him that he lied to her as well. He never told her we were still together. Just as I was about to exit the dorm I turned to the left as the Crowd erupted in oohs and ahhs, laughter and clapping as Haley kicked Tripp dead smack in his balls I watched him fall to his knees. A small chuckle escaped me as I watched him writhing in pain on the floor.


	12. Ciara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter could not of been done without the help of an amazing friend who knows my direction, and is there for me when I need advice and help @KaySeeingSparks. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the help and time you took to make this chapter come to life. Love ya girl (:
> 
> Also wanted to note the end of my chapter was written before Monday’s episode I thought it was very ironic and I struggled with keeping it in there and when the show aired I had too. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter as much as I did (:

Chapter 12

Shoving the dorm doors open, I didn’t realize how hot I was till the cool air hit my face... finally I was able to take a breath. I had to keep going before he caught up, if he chooses to follow that is. Regardless, I had a head start due to Haley giving him a swift kick to the balls. I didn't know her, and as much as I wanted to be angry with her, I couldn't help but think I would like her under other circumstances. And it wasn't her fault that Tripp lied to and played her as well. She seemed genuinely upset knowing we were still together. 

How could he do this to me? To us? 3 years we were together. I'd started to think he was the love of my life. My best friend outside of Claire, one of the only people who made me feel close to normal again... or so I believed. But he admitted today that he thought I was broken. Was that what he'd always thought of me - that I am forever damaged goods? Beyond repair? 

Finding him with her. I couldn’t even say her name in my head it was too painful. His words replayed in my head - it affirmed everything I'd already suspected. I can't ever be normal. I was an idiot to think I could ever be. Was this what he secretly thought of me ? Was he just with me out of sympathy? For 3 years I thought he was helping me be whole again. Instead, he took the first chance he had to find someone normal. Someone who's never been raped. 

Finally feeling like I'd ran far enough away to stop, I looked behind me. No Tripp in pursuit offering an "I'm sorry", or explanation of any kind. Relief flooded through me along with the stab of betrayal. Finding the nearest bench, I sunk down into it. All the tears I had been holding back finally began to fall uncontrollably. The hurt, anger and pain came pouring out of me as I held the backpack against my face and sobbed. 

After what felt like a decade, I looked up - what the hell was I going to do? Who could I even call at this hour who wouldn't freak out? My mom would have a swat team after me in minutes. Claire would panic, and then call my mom... no. Just the thought is exhausting - I can't deal with either of them. Not tonight. 

The reality of having to go home to Salem hit me: how would I explain this to everyone? The thought made me sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to relive any of this ever again. And I sure as hell didn’t want anyone's pity - they'd look at me like they had for years. Like I'm broken, damaged... everything Tripp said I was. The tears continued, the pain ripping it's way through my chest felt like nothing I'd experienced. 

“I can’t believe this is happening.” I said out loud. 

I have to get back to the airport... but how without having to explain? Our bank cards were connected, so she would see it if I called an Uber and worry. I could face my mom tomorrow just not tonight. That’s when I remembered - Before I left home mom had came to the loft insisting I had cash in case of an emergency. She'd stuffed it into my bag before I could argue. Granted, walking in on Tripp destroying our relationship by screwing another girl probably wasn't what she meant... but as I opened the front pocket there were two $100 bills. 

“Thanks, mom.” I said, reaching into my pocket for my phone. I'd forgotten it had been on silent. I ignored my notifications - 5 missed calls and 4 texts from Tripp - I quickly searched for a taxi and called the first one on the list. 5 minutes and I would be on my way out of this stupid town. Wiping my face once more, shoving the splitting feeling in my chest as far down as I could, I situated my backpack on my shoulders and got up from the bench. I started to walk to the end of campus where the cab would be picking me up. 

I stood there for a few minutes before the cab pulled up. The driver rolled down the window. 

“Are you Ciara?” He asked. 

“Yeah, that’s me. I need to get to the airport, please. And fast." 

“Sure, no problem. 20 minutes or less and we'll be there." 

I opened the car door and sat down. I looked out the window as we drove away. 

“Goodbye, Tripp.” I quietly whispered to myself. Saying the words made it more real somehow, the pain started to resurface again. I did my hardest to push the feelings down and away before I was reduced to nothing again. A few tears escaped my eyes and I quickly wiped them away. 

I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. Looking at my mothers face flashing at me, I let out a sigh. "Well that didn’t take long.” I said to myself. Tripp must've called her after he realized I'm ignoring his calls and texts. Why bother reaching out to my mom? As if he cared about me? I wasn’t ready to talk to my mom or anyone for that matter. A text came through on my phone right after, again my mom. 

“Ciara I just got a call from Tripp. He told me you got into a fight and left. Baby, he’s worried about you. I’m worried about you, please tell me where you are. I need to know you're alright.”

A fight. A fight?! What a liar! He couldn’t face me and couldn’t even tell my mom something close to the truth. As much I wanted to just ignore her and escape the world. I knew how Hope Brady was. She would be relentless till I answered her. Quickly I dialed her, I knew this had to be a quick conversation. 

"Ciara, baby, are you okay? Tell me what happened." 

“I really don't wanna talk about it, but It was way more than a fight, Mom. Look, I am on my way to the airport now. I’m going to catch the first flight I can back home."

"Ciara, honey," 

"Mom, I really, really cannot talk about all this right now. I promise, I will call you when I land and I’ll explain everything to you tomorrow morning. I love you." 

“I love you too, Ciara Alice. Please don’t forget to call me as soon as you land.”

“I won’t." 

Hanging up the phone realized I needed to purchase my ticket as well. Searching through, I found the next departure was at 9:45. It was 7:30 right now so I would have some time to kill in the airport. Paying for the ticket on my credit card, I wondered if my mom could get a refund for my return ticket - I wouldn’t be needing it anymore. By the time I'd finished the purchase we were pulling into the main terminal. I paid the driver - 18 minutes flat, not bad - and entered main terminal. The lines weren't long at all and it was even quicker for me since I had no luggage to check in. I made my way through the security check. I glanced over the departure board to make sure I had no delays - everything was on time, thank god. I looked at my phone - I still had an hour and a half to kill. I looked around and saw a restaurant not far from my gate, close enough that I could still hear any announcements if they were made. I wasn’t hungry but man - I could use a drink. I made my way to the bar and sat down on a stool. The bartender made his way over to me swiftly. 

“What’ll it be for you miss?”

I needed something strong. "Jack and coke please.”

“No offense, but you don't strike me as a Jack and coke kinda girl." He said, still reaching for the house whiskey. 

"None taken - but tonight I am." 

"Rough night?”

“I guess you could say that.” Well, if he only knew. But I wasn’t about to rehash the nights' events with a bartender. He nodded, seeming to understand that was all I had to say. 

A few seconds later he placed the drink down in front of me. 

"Just to take the edge off," I thought to myself. 

I raised the glass to my lips and felt the warmth of the whiskey burn my throat as I swallowed. It went down smooth and before I realized it the glass was empty. The bartender made his way back to me. 

"Another?" 

"Why not." 

He nodded once, bottle already in hand. The second went down easier than the first. I felt it hit me all too quickly, I was beginning to feel a tad dizzy which had to be blamed on the speed at which I was downing the drinks in front of me. I looked down at the newly empty glass - this was number 4. I knew it wasn't the best idea... but the pain was trying to creep its way up. This was the only thing keeping me from losing it right here in this airport restaurant full of strangers. Finishing the glass, I looked down at my phone - it read 9:15.

I'd left the bar hastily to find a restroom, wanting to look somewhat less of a mess before boarding the flight home. Splashing some cold water on my face, I gazed back at my reflection. It wasn't until clumsily trying to reapply mascara that I realized how much I was starting to feel the effects of the drinks I'd had. Shrugging I realized this was as good as it was getting - I tossed my hair in a ponytail and walked as steadily as I could to my gate. 

As we boarded I realized I had to soak up as much alcohol as I could; drinking that much, and on an empty stomach was, admittedly, stupid. Remembering I had to ride my bike home from the airport, I stopped the flight attendant and asked her for all the water and crackers she could get to me. 

As we took off, I looked out into the darkness - how could this be happening? I was supposed leave Nashville knowing we were going to make it. It was supposed to help... instead everything was broken. The pain I'd fought to push, kick and drink away came up into my throat, the tears came hot and fast. Shutting my eyes, I desperately begged God, the universe, or anything that could still be listening to let me fall asleep quickly so I wouldn't have to feel it. 

\---

Tripp and I walked hand and hand on the shore. The water touched our feet, I squeezed his hand to let him know this was all I ever needed. To feel safe, right there with him. He stepped in front of me, pulling his arm away. It wasn't till he was a few steps in front of me I realized something was wrong - he wouldn't look at me.

"Tripp, what's wrong?" 

"Do you really think you can do it, Ciara?" 

"What... what are you talking about?" 

"Come on, Ciara. We both know - this isn't real."

"But, I-"

"Admit it - you wanted us to break. Because it's what you are. You'll never be anything but broken." He said lifelessly, his face calm. His words hit me like he'd whipped me with them. 

“No, I don't want that!" I scream, but he just stared at me. Slowly he turns and starts to walk away from me, and my feet can't move. "Tripp!" I call out, but he doesn't turn. The waves now crashing against my legs, trying to make my knees buckle. I look down at the water, it's rising with every second - it wants to pull me under. 

“Tripp, please, help me! You have to help me!" I scream again, and finally he turns back. 

"That's just it Ciara - I can't. No one can help you. No one can save you. Once something is broken, it's never really fixed. Just like you." And then he was gone - I call his name and tried to run to wherever he went but I could never reach him. 

The waves below me finally knock my feet off the ground and I start to go under. 

“Tripp!” I yelled for real this time, waking myself up. Tears were streaming down my face again - it was just a dream. I gripped the arm rest, leaning my head to my knees. My heart was breaking inside my chest - not only would I have to live with it, it would haunt my dreams, too. This was all just to much for me to take - I want to run. First off this plane, then out of the airport. Far away. No turning back. I put my face in my hands and took some deep breaths to compose myself. 

“5 mins till landing.” I heard the flight attendants announcement and telling us all to return to our seats and put on our seatbelts. It didn’t take long for the plane to land and for us to reach the terminal. The moment we were clear to stand up I reached for my backpack in the overhead compartment and put it on. 

I walked very quickly through the terminal but as I did I began to notice swarms of police. I found the nearest restroom and ran inside. I opened the first stall door that was empty and sat down. What could they be doing here? Digging out my phone I saw I had missed calls and texts from my mother. Surely my mother hadn't gone that ballistic after our phone conversation, right? 

“Hey baby, I was worried about you making it home safe from the airport... so I arranged for someone to pick you up. Just please, give your mother some peace of mind, okay? They will be on the lookout for you. Please let me know when you land.” I didn't bother reading any other messages. I don't care what peace of mind she thought she needed - I was not going home without my bike. After everything Tripp just put me through, I would have some control and say in my own life. I needed to have some say and control in my life. 

It was one thing for my mom to send a car for me, but the whole police force?! This was a little much for even her. I knew I could not get out of this bathroom looking like this. I dug a different shirt out of my bag and put it on. I kept my hair in a pony tail but knew my hat would help disguise my hair. I threw the hat I had packed on my head and dug out my sunglasses. This wasn't going to be easy. 

My bike was in the parking garage through the main terminal - I had to somehow get through without anyone spotting me. I walked out of the bathroom and stopped - I went left when I saw the sign with the arrows directing me to the elevator for the parking garage. I had to remain calm, any wrong move and I could set someone off. I made my way through the terminal and dogged a few cops I saw. I was walking swiftly but not running. The adrenaline was catching up to me mixed with the drinks from not so long ago and I was feeling anxious and slightly dizzy. I felt as if I was stumbling through the airport but I had to keep going. I couldn’t let anyone see me 

I finally made my way into the elevator once it opened and I was outside the fresh air felt amazing but I realized how much the temperature had dropped I quickly put my coat on I found my bike right away. I got my helmet out of the side bag took off my hat and took my hair down out of the pony tail. I put my phone in my pocket, dug out my keys, Placed my backpack inside the bag latched it up and started it up. 

I straddled both ends of the bike and knew I had to move fast before someone heard and followed me I rode around to the far exit and made my way out of the airport unnoticed. 

I let out a small laugh. Knowing how mad my mom was going to be knowing her daughter outwitted most of the Salem pd. I didn’t want to go home. I was free. Free from Tripp, free from Salem. Free from everything they held me back. This was what I needed, this was moving me faster than my legs could ever run. I felt the power of my bike and I revved the engine a little bit more and went A little bit faster. I didn’t know where I was headed but I knew it wasn’t towards Salem, in fact it was the complete opposite direction. 

I continued to gain momentum and went faster. And faster. I was going faster than I normally drove. 

"Never drive careless, Doodlebug." I could hear my father's voice in my head. The one piece of advice he'd given about riding. But I needed to stop caring. I needed to fly. So this was the way. I drove for about 20 mins letting everything go. I closed my eyes for a second to take it all in. 

A few seconds later, I see the curve ahead of me, all too late. I didn’t let off the gas. I could clear it. I knew I would be able to clear it with no problems I turned the bike to go with the curve I thought I had made it till I felt my body flying through the air. I closed my eyes as I braced for impact. I didn’t make the curve, I had to feel the power and the speed. I couldn’t slow down. As my body hit the pavement I cried out in pain. I heard the crash of my bike, the ripping of metal made it clear my bike was as done for as me. 

I felt everything around me spinning even though I wasn’t moving at all. The smell of gasoline engulfed my nose. The concrete was cold under me. I attempted to reach for my phone in my pocket but couldn’t I had no strength everything hurt, I didn’t know what to do. I tried yelling out for help but it came out barely a whisper. With every breath I took it felt like my body was breaking more and more. I cried out in pain.

It was starting to get hard to keep my eyes open. The cold of the pavement was the only thing to give me comfort. I tried fighting to keep my eyes open but I couldn’t I didn’t have the strength. 

“Ciara, my biggest regret is not telling you but I didn’t know how without…” I heard Tripp say it was as if he was there with me right now I knew how to complete that sentence even if he couldn’t. 

“Without breaking you more.” Well, now I really was broken and damaged - just like Tripp said. Mentally. Physically. Finally my outsides matched the brokenness of my insides. No one was going to find me. Who would want to? No one. 

I close any my eyes and take a deep breath. "I love you, Daddy. I'm so sorry. I’ll see you soon."


	13. Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver Benjamin “Ben” Weston couldn’t believe he was back here. It was the last place he wanted to be, but he was on his own without much money so it was this or sleeping on the ground. Normally, he might not mind that, but he could smell the rain in the air. So he needed some kind of shelter... and that led him here. To the scene of the end of his reign of terror...

“Nobody wants you back in Salem - so stay away from there. Don't you even think about coming back, you understand me Weston?" 

Chad DiMera's words swam in my head after he'd dropped me at the edge of town and drove away. I was in the middle of nowhere with a decent amount of money in my pocket... but nowhere to go. No one in Salem wanted me around. I didn't blame them... how could I? 

Just days before I had been deemed sane and fit to return to society, and I'd gone straight back to Salem. I did it for one reason: I had to try to make it right with all the people I had wronged. For the lives I'd taken. Show them that monster I'd become was gone. 

I knew it was asking a lot... Maybe even asking the impossible. To give the “Necktie killer” a second chance? That's all I was to them. Will had barely looked at me, Sonny looked disgusted by me. And Chad had made it clear - no one would ever look at me otherwise. No one would ever look at me with anything but fear. I was stupid to think anyone would give me the benefit of the doubt. To them, it didn't matter what any doctors said - I was forever a murderer. They thought I needed to be reminded of what I was... little did they know that sometimes I couldn’t even look at my reflection without feeling sick. How the unbearable pain and regret at the things I'd done was with me every moment. 

The cold air hit my face as I walked through the wooded area. Even though I don’t even know where I am, the terrain feels oddly familiar. Coming up to a clearing in the middle of the woods, I stop dead in my tracks when I see it in front of me. My stomach drops and bile creeps up my throat as I realize I know exactly where I am - so completely secluded and in the middle of nowhere it's like it doesn't exist unless you knew it was there, and somehow I'd found my way back to it. The place that ended the reign of terror I had created. 

The cabin. 

I'd never known if it survived the fire I'd set with Abigail and Chad still inside - here was my answer. I couldn't believe it was still standing. My hand shook slightly as I reached for the doorknob. Dust and debris fell from the awning as I opened the door and stepped inside. The faint smell of ash attacks my nose, and the place is covered in soot. The bed is somehow in the exact place I remember, the fireplace intact. Flashes of me spreading lighter fluid around the room remind me how fast everything had gone up in flames. 

I shake my head and the memory of the fire away. As much as I hated being here, it would have to make due. With the temperature dropping by the hour this was my only choice. I flipped the light switch - nothing. No electricity. I opened the door wider hoping moonlight would help some. I walked to the other side of the room. The windows were boarded up but spaced enough to let some moonlight in. 

And that’s when I saw it, on the table sitting in front of me. Nearly 3 years later and it remained unmoved - the black zippo I'd used to start the fire in this cabin. I picked it up from the table, the metal was cold on my fingertips. I flicked it open to see if it still worked. Watching the flame grow out of the coil I found myself staring at it. 

The voices of Abigail's screams and Chad's pleas filled my head. The man she wanted so much she'd chosen him while making plans for a life with me. The man she'd shared a child with, one I'd believed was mine. The voices of woman I'd loved, and the man she'd loved - begging for their lives. I snapped the lighter closed. 

It pained me to thinking about going back to that dark place. When my mind was so twisted with violence and betrayal that I'd lost my grip on reality. It was too much for me to bear. But my mom always told me growing up that love makes you do crazy things - in this case I did unspeakable things. Even still - I just wish someone could understand what led me to me do the things I did. For one person to give me just a little bit of compassion.

“Compassion? Really? Do you really think you deserve that?"

I shake my head at my own thoughts - I knew the answer to that question was no. But finding Abigail with Chad that day made something in me snap. Something that had been breaking in me long before that. All I had ever wanted was to be loved by someone who cared for me as much as I cared for them. I thought I'd found that with Abby - but she could never love me the way she did Chad. I just was too lovesick to see the signs. 

When I found out she was pregnant, the thought of that child being mine made me feel like I could finally do something right with my life. I wanted nothing more than to raise that child and be a the father mine never had been to me. 

Even Jordan didn't know all of the horrors and trauma I went through as a child. Becoming Clyde - it was my deepest fear. But as Abby grew further and further away from me I let him in, and let him control me. His presence pushed me to do things I didn’t even want to do but I couldn’t think of my life without her and the baby... and then to find out I wasn't the father ripped me open. My chance to be the father I'd never had was gone, taken from me in the worst way possible. The pain turned into anger, then anger to rage - I couldn't stop it. 

The screams of the women I'd hurt haunt me in my dreams. The life leaving Will's eyes is embedded in me forever. Every time I closed my eyes I hear them, I saw them. They begged me to stop, they screamed for help. But as much as I wanted to stop, my own mind screams at me to keep going. The voice of Clyde's anger and cruelty rung in my ears and dug into my mind like a vice grip I couldn’t free myself from. 

I sat down on the chair on the opposite side of the room. The same chair I handcuffed Abby to after she found out the crimes I had committed. As I continued to spiral all I wanted was to run away and start over with someone who I thought could grow to love me - and that was the baby. I'd never wanted to hurt Abigail... until Chad showed up. Knowing he was there to take her from me once and for all, and take the baby made my rage hit an all time high, and I lost complete control. I was too far gone. Chad was the reason I'd lost everything - so I'd make him lose the only thing he cared about. 

Thinking of everything and reliving all of the pain was suffocating. My memories of that time were cloudy, as if I was going through a dream sequence that played a loop over and over. But I couldn't turn it off. Some of the memories even were mixed up... did I really know what was real from that time? 

I rested my head down on the chair. I had nowhere else left to go but this cabin, forced to relive memories of my nightmares over and over again. Maybe it was best for me to be here - maybe this is all I deserved. The people in Salem were safer with me being here. Besides, there were no friends I could ever have again. Hell, not even a person I could share a laugh with. And the thought of finding someone to love me... I'm not even sure I'm capable of that. A "normal" life would never be mine, ever again. I was crazy to think I could start over, especially in Salem. I would be alone the rest of my life - it's the punishment I deserve. 

"Get it together Weston.” I said out loud, to no one. I tried to shake myself out of my self loathing by getting up and walking outside. Once I did, I took a few deep breaths. The cold night air did seem to help clear things. 

Then I remembered the turning point: when Sami Brady made me re-enact one of my crimes - strangling Will. She'd thought it would help him get his memories back... insane though it was I didn't care much at the time. Therapy had told me what I'd done was wrong, but I couldn't fully comprehend. But as I saw the fear in his eyes, the terror - it made something in me snap. I realized what I was doing, but more than that I could FEEL it. Immediately after I could feel immense empathy for the pain I caused so many people. I finally started opening up to my therapists and they helped me understand I was sick when I did what I did. 

I turned into the woods walking on the same trail I had took to get to the cabin. I reached into my pocket for my meds, knowing it was going to be time to take them soon. They were mood stabilizers and they helped me not slip into that dark place. It was crucial for me to take them daily. I knew in a few days I would have to have them refilled. Plus I'd realized I had no food or supplies in the cabin. I could work on cleaning it up when I had daylight but I at least needed more water besides the two bottles I had in my backpack. I remembered a few miles away there had been a general store and a fresh market so I could at least get the basics. 

I continued walking, my eyes adjusting to the darkness. My head continued to clear, and I focused on the sounds of the woods around me. I looked up at the sky and let myself see how beautiful it was for a moment. Stars covered the sky for as far as the eyes could see. I kept through the woods focusing on what was so beautiful and unchanging above me. Maybe one day, something could happen that would quiet the memories. Maybe one day I'd have the chance to actually make amends - to break the cycle and do good. If not to the people I hurt, to someone else.

But even I know - It's not going to happen for me. I don't have anyone, just this cabin.

Before I knew it I'd reached the top of the hill, where the road ended and the woods began. I knew I was back off of the highway where Chad had dropped me off. But where I was, there was a sharp curve that kept the other side of the road hidden. Suddenly the sharp and district smell of gasoline and motor oil hit my nostrils. This curve would be treacherous if another car wasn't paying attention... or going too fast... 

I quickened my pace approaching where the road twisted: a motorcycle was laying in pieces. I could see a small oil slick from the gas line popping off, there was smoke and he smell of burnt rubber. There was hardly anything left of the bike. I saw a backpack sticking out from the saddle bag I quickly put it on over my shoulders. The person riding had to of been thrown in the air pretty violently, and looking around frantically I saw them. I saw her, a woman's body, lying on the pavement. Her hair down, splayed over her shoulders. 

As quickly as I could I checked for a pulse - it was there. Faint, but there. She was unconscious. I brushed the hair from her face and that’s when I realized who the broken girl was below me: it was Ciara Brady. Hope Brady’s daughter. I swallowed and looked around, she was alone. I saw her cellphone laying not too far away as I picked it up I was surprised it was still in tack and nothing was broken. It wouldn’t turn on, hopefully the battery was just dead. I might need it if her injuries are as bad as I'm thinking... I shoved it down quickly in my back pocket. 

I had to act fast, she had quite a few scratches on her face and her left leg was clearly broken - she needed medical attention. Maybe beyond what I could do. With no phone or no car how could I get her help? I knew I had to get her someplace safe and fast. I picked her limp body up off the pavement. I was surprised at how light she was. I knew the only place close enough for me to take her right now at this hour was the cabin. I had to get her somewhere warm. 

I was grateful I'd been paying attention on my way back up the wooded area to the cabin. Questions flooded my mind - What was she doing out this far away from town alone this late at night? Why was she going so fast? What was going through her head? She had to have known it was dangerous. 

Arriving back at the cabin, I kicked open the door to avoid setting her down. Carefully I placed her down on the bed. It was up to me now to make sure she was okay. I took off her backpack and placed it on the chair, setting the phone in my pocket on the table next to her. It wasn’t on but I could only imagine how many missed calls and messages she must of had. So many people would be looking for her, people who were worried for her safety, who loved her... I ignored the hollow ache in my stomach that reminded me that would never be my reality again. So I had to make sure she got back to her life intact. 

I used the lighter I found to light the lantern on the table next to the bed. I walked over to the cabinet that was next to the bed to see if anything could help. Inside was an extra pillow, a few towels and an extra blanket. 

Grabbing the pillow first I propped it under her leg to elevate it. From the looks of it the injury and my experience patching up my mom and Jordan, it was a compound fracture. She also had a cut on the same leg that looked as if it would need stitches. I walked back to the cabinet and grabbed a towel and put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding. She had quite a few scapes on her face and her hands, I took another clean towel and carefully cleaned off the dried blood from the small cuts. Careful as I was, she finally began to stir under my hands. I quickly froze. I didn’t want to do anything else to hurt her, or scare her. But I had to stop the bleeding. I applied a tiny bit more pressure on her leg. She opened her eyes - hazy at first, it didn't take more than a few seconds for it too look like she'd seen a ghost. 

I couldn’t tell If that was from the pain she was experiencing in her leg or if she somehow recognized who I was. Her eyes never left me, her breathing started to come in anxious spurts. Nerves pooled in my stomach, and I carefully lifted my hand from putting pressure on her leg. This was not from pain, I could tell - I knew this look very well. It was the same look I saw in all of my nightmares, but on the faces of the women who's lives I took. I lifted my hands into the air and stepped back, trying to communicate that I wouldn't hurt her. 

It was then that she began screaming.


	14. Ben

I stood frozen not sure what to do, her scream piercing my ears. Pure terror filling her face as clearly as the cuts and scrapes the accident had caused. After what felt like hours but was only moments, she stammered, “You’re... you’re B-ben W-w-weston. Ben Weston, the necktie killer.” As she stared at me filled with terror, tears began to fill her eyes. “Oh my god, please, please, don’t kill me,” she begged desperately.

Finally, I staggered back away from the bed, panicking. How could I convince her I wouldn’t hurt her? She wore the same look everyone had when they saw me now–when they realized who I am. Was. And always will be. Still–I had to calm her down if I had any hope of successfully tending her wounds, I had no choice but to touch her, and she needed to let me. But there was no way she would trust me enough to let me touch her let alone set her leg or give her stitches if she needed them. I tried stepping closer. Unfortunately, that activated her fight-or-flight response & she began struggling to put distance between us. Her yelp of pain followed quickly and she grabbed her leg.

“You stop right there!” She cried fearfully. “Don’t come any closer to–AH!” She was cut off by a fresh wave of pain as continued trying to wriggle away & hold onto her damaged leg.

“Ciara, I–”

“Oh my god, how do you know my name?” She cut me off mid-sentence.

“I remember you from when you were a kid, but you’ve grown up a lot since I last saw you.”

Ciara kept moving around in the bed, and every time she moved her leg she out a tiny whimper of pain. The sound made me feel sick to my stomach. It reaffirmed that I had to get her to stay calm and stop moving so much.

“Ciara, I need you to take a deep breath and calm down.”

“Yeah, that is not going to happen!”

“I know you’re scared–”

“Oh, you know I’m scared,” she shot back sarcastically. “I’m stuck here in a creepy cabin with a serial killer! You bet your ass I’m scared! How did I even get here anyway?!”

She kept her eyes on me, still trying to find her way off the bed & wincing as every move she made clearly shot fresh pain through her leg. I knew she’d only injure herself more if she made a wrong move. I placed my hands over her leg to calm her down. Or try to anyway.

“Woah, woah, woah. You need to calm down,” I tried again receiving an incredulous sneer. “Look, if I wanted you dead, I would have left you on the side of the road, where I found you. I’m pretty sure that your leg is broken. So, you might want to keep from moving it as much as possible. You may also need some stitches.” Her eyes eased down ever so slightly as she looked at her leg, which I let go of.

“Broken?” she asked suspiciously.

“I think so,” I admitted. “I’m not sure. I was walking through the woods and I saw smoke. I wasn’t sure what it was from so I followed it up the hill and at the curve... I saw the crash. Your motorcycle,” Ben stopped, remembering the bike in pieces. Ciara’s eyes instantly filled with tears as her gaze got very far away.

“The crash looked really bad,” I hurried on trying to take advantage of her contemplative silence to explain myself. “I found you a few feet away from your bike. You must have hit a curve to fast. Anyway, I came here because it was the closest place I could get you to for shelter. I knew it would be getting colder.” I paused. “You’re lucky to be alive as it is. I swear Ciara, the last thing I want to do is hurt you worse.”

Finally, it seemed like she was actually hearing his words, and she stopped shaking. The fear in her eyes turned to something else, and her face turned seemed almost defiant.

“So, you think my leg is broken? What else?” Ciara demanded firmly.

“I’m not sure,” I admitted. “The wounds on your leg look pretty bad. I'm going to have to take a look at them to know for sure if any need stitches. But I'm glad that you’re awake. You were asleep for a long time. I was starting to worry you had a bad concussion or something. It looked like a nasty crash.”

She hesitated briefly and looked very upset about something, beginning to talk to herself.

“Oh my god. Oh my god!” she groaned. “My bike... I wasn’t even looking at the road. I was just thinking about them. I just wanted to get away as fast as I could and–I must have taken that turn too fast...” She choked back a sob and put her face in her hands.

“Them? Who?” I asked her confused.

“I don’t want to talk about it, especially with you!” She snapped at me. I raised my hands immediately.

“Fair enough, I get that. For the last couple of years, all I’ve had are doctors and shrinks telling me to open up about my feelings. It’s not any fun believe me. But I’m glad that’s over now."

“I still don’t believe you recognized me. How do I know you weren't following me from the airport to bring me here? To make me one of your victims,” She spat. I had to nod. Based on who she knew about me before, the monster I had become back then might've done something just like that.

“I wasn't anywhere near the airport. And I remember seeing you around at the family functions before, when I was with–” I quickly hesitated to finish my sentence. I looked down at the towel that was in my hand and began to play with it as a distraction.

“You mean Abigail. Abby,” she spat at me her guards once again rising. “What, you can’t even say her name? So I will. Abigail–my cousin–the woman whose life you damn near destroyed.”

I winced at her accusation. “That was a long time ago,” I said with more confidence than I felt. “I’m not that person anymore. I was sick then. But we're not talking about me.” I walked over to her and put my hand down on her leg again this time placing the towel over it.

“Oh my god, what are you going to do to me?”

“Right now, I'm going to try to help you.” I said matter of factly. 

“Oh yeah. Right!” she sneered. “Trying to help me? Just like you helped all of your other victims?”

“You don't believe me, do you?” I sighed. “I already told you–I was sick then, and if I wanted you dead now, I would have left you bleeding on the side of the road and let hypothermia do the job while I kept walking.”

Her eyes widened in confusion. I closed my eyes preparing for whatever came next. I knew I had put my foot in my mouth. It was going to take a lot of convincing for her to believe me. And I couldn't blame her.

“You were sick then?” She scoffed. “You were… sick? You act like you had a cold, took medicine and got better. You killed people! How did you even get out?!”

“I was deemed sane by the state,” I explained quietly. “I served my time for my crimes, and I was intensive therapy for years. I have the papers to prove it. I walked out of the door a free man.”

"You murdered 4 innocent people!” She yelled at me. "No one in their right mind would let someone like you go. What did you break out again?"

“Actually it was 3. Will is very much alive.” I said back to her, tripping slightly over my words.

“But you wanted him dead! No matter what you say you’ll always be crazy!”

I winced again. Crazy is what everyone would call me from now on. I was getting used to hearing it over and over. I couldn’t argue that considering the things I had. But I snapped back. “I’m NOT crazy,” I countered quietly. “Not anymore.”

“Umm, excuse me?!” She scoffed again. “I was an intern in a mental hospital. There is no doctor who would ever, ever risk their license by setting you free.”

I walked over to my backpack where it sat on the table at the opposite end of the room. I dug inside till I found the release papers I was given when I was set free. I walked back over to the bed and handed them to her.

“Here intern,” I replied drily. “Check them out for yourself. They're legit.”

She grabbed the papers from my hand roughly, flipping through them. Pure confusion filled her face as she finished.

“No, no, no, this can’t be right,” she said to herself under her breath as she flipped through the papers for a third time. “This makes no sense! What doctor would find you sane enough to return to society?

“Dr. Marlena Evans, for one,” I answered her rhetorical question tiredly. “Maybe you know her.”

Ciara's eyes widened again. “Marlena?” she goggled. “Marlena is the one who signed for your release? Now I KNOW you're lying–she would never. These have to be fake.”

“That’s exactly what everyone else said, including your mother,” I said. “That my recovery was phony, too. She sent Dr. Evans to evaluate me so that the DA could file a brief stating I was faking being well–that I was making it up. But it didn’t work. She couldn’t find a single reason to keep me there because it wasn’t true.”

“You mean other than the fact that 3 people are dead, and you killed them?!” She threw the papers back at me in disgust.

I quietly picked up the release papers, and I walked over to the other side of the room, my head falling in shame. She hadn't said one thing that wasn't true, and there was nothing I could do about it. “I did one of the worst possible things you can do to another person,” he sighed. “And I know that. But I wasn’t in my right mind then.”

“And you are now?”

I had to make her believe I wouldn’t hurt her. I walked to the end of the bed and stopped. “Yes. Please. Ciara, you don’t need to worry. You don’t have anything to fear from me. I promise.”

“Okay, if really wanted to help me, why didn’t you call 911 so I could go to the hospital?”

“I don’t have a cell phone. I found yours, but it won’t turn on, it’s either dead or broken.” I walked over to the side table I had her phone on and handed it to her. She pressed the buttons but nothing happened she put it down next to her in frustration.

“It’s gotta be dead, and I forgot my charger.” 

She put her head down and put her hands on her face. She wiped her eyes. “You could have taken me to your car then.”

“Car?” I scoffed. “What car? I just got out of a mental hospital. I had to carry you, and you were a little heavy, but I had to get you into some kind of shelter.”

“In the middle of the night. In the middle of nowhere in the woods you find this place?”

There was no way I could possibly tell her about this cabin, and how I knew it was here. She would completely freak out if she knew this was the same place I had brought Chad and Abigail. Besides, I was having enough trouble fighting those ghosts without bringing that time up.

“What? Cat got your tongue?” She snipped. "You just brought me here to make me your next victim, didn't you?"

“No! Ciara–no,” I replied tiredly. “I did not bring you here to finish you off. Look, I get why you won't trust me. No one will, and I can't blame them. I got lucky. I came here because I had nowhere else to go. I remembered this cabin. I’ve been here before I didn’t want to come back, it brings up old memories.”

“Oh what, you mean, the people of Salem didn't throw a parade in your honor?”

She wasn’t wrong. Nobody in Salem wanted me there. Nobody anywhere wanted me for that matter. I turned around and faced her. “Look, I know nobody wants me around,” I admitted desolately. “Especially in Salem. I didn’t even want to go back at first. But I went there to try to right my wrongs and try to make amends for what I did. To apologize to everyone. I know it sounds impossible… but I had to try." Something in her face softened, the arms crossing her chest loosened ever so slightly. “I was found fit to return to society; society just didn’t want any part of me.” A humorless laugh came out before I could stop it.

“Can you really blame them for not wanting you there?” Ciara asked. For the first time, she didn't seem to mean it as a jab, the anger in her voice had lessened slightly. I shook my head.

“No, I don't blame them,” I agreed. “But I thought it was the right thing to do. I did terrible things when I lost myself. And that’s something I have to live with the rest of my life.”

“Does anyone know you were out here?”

“Yes. Chad. I ran into him.” I looked towards the door. “He told me to leave and never come back, gave me some cash and then drove me to the edge of town.”

“So that’s how you found this place?”

“Yes. It was late, and cold. I had nowhere else to go.” I said definitively, lighting the lantern next to the bed.

She shifted a little as I moved the end of the bed and she finally asked, “So what happened? How did you… get sane?”

I carefully moved next to her, and she didn't flinch–progress. But then I swallowed hard. I knew the only way to get her to trust me was to tell her the truth.

“Sami Brady,” I said grimly. “She was trying to get Will's memories back. She kidnapped me & forced me to act out... well, you know what I did to him.” I shivered in disgust lost in my thoughts. Just talking about it made my skin crawl, and there was no guarantee she'd even believe me. But maybe she would. “That's when it all hit me. I was staring into his eyes I could see it. The fear–no, terror in his eyes. It gutted me. Broke through the numbness & the rage, and I finally felt what I had done. That I had actually killed people…” I stared at my hands. “When Sami took me back, I committed myself to therapy, to mending what was broken in my mind. I knew I had to go back to Salem, and do anything I possibly could to try and make up for taking 3 innocent women’s lives."

“Yeah, well, that worked out so well for you, didn’t it?” She scoffed again, rolling her eyes.

It felt like a gut punch. I had made the mistake of letting down my guards, being vulnerable. And just when I thought maybe she was starting to listen, she struck. I swallowed heavily. “Ciara. You...” I cleared my throat “You don’t have to believe it, but it’s the truth.”

“So is that why you're ‘trying’ to help me now? Look–what I need is a doctor who knows what to do with my leg, not you in a cabin in the woods.”

It hit me then that I was going to have give her another opportunity to hurt. I was going to have to open up even more in order for her to fully believe me. I was going to have to tell her how I knew what to do. Why I knew her leg wasn't just broken, but that it was probably a compound fracture just by looking at it. Talking about my childhood and what I went through was unbearable… But I had to help her. And if telling her some of what my monster of a father did to me and Jordan would get her to trust me just enough to splint her leg, so be it. “Ciara, I know what to do, too.”

“Oh yeah? Really? How.”

“My dad used to beat up on my mom, my sister and me.” The nerves grabbed my vocal chords, just like Clyde used to when I did just about anything. I cleared my throat, trying to continue without my voice shaking. “So I know how to tape up ribs and splint broken bones. Been doing it since before I started school.”

She put her hand over her mouth. “Oh my god.”

“And after my sister Jordan and I took off, she finished up her physical therapy training.”

“While you two were on the run?” She asked, she must have known more about my past then I'd thought.

“She really is amazing.” I smiled softly feeling pride well at the thought of my incredible big sister. “While she was going through her training, she taught me even more. Hazards of helping her study.”

She nodded but began to shiver, I couldn't tell if it was from fright or cold.

“Are you cold? Do you need another blanket? Let me see if I can find anything else in here.”

I thought I had found all the spare blankets and pillows I could find, but I remembered there was a closet on the opposite side of the cabin next to the bathroom that I didn't look in. I turned back to her before I walked away and said, “I know this will sound weird, but–you're in good hands.”

“Yeah, just great.” she said sarcastically.

I walked over to the closet and found another blanket, as well as a metal silver bowl and a few hand towels. I filled the bowl up with water from the bathroom sink. I walked back over to the bed and put the bowl on the end with one of the hand towels. Before I placed the blanket on her, I shook it out. “I hope this helps. I know it's not much.”

As I wrapped the blanket around her, she let out a small cry of pain. “Ciara, are you okay?” I knew it was going to take a lot for her to trust me to help her but I also knew the longer we waited, the worse it could be.

“My leg is really starting to kill me right now. You say you know a lot, but I really, really think I need a doctor.” She said to me with a shaky voice as she fought to suppress her whimpers of pain.

“I would have taken you to one right away, but you were in really bad shape, and I wasn't just going to leave you on the side of the road unconscious.”

“Well, I'm wide awake now! Can you please just go into town and find one and bring one back here?”

“I’m sorry, Ciara, but I can’t do that.” I said carefully. 

“What do you mean you can't do that? I need help!”

“It's just too risky. I have to handle the situation myself.”

The look of fear that spread across her face told me that this wasn’t going to be easy, but I needed to act fast. I didn't want to scare her more by telling her she could lose her leg in the time I'd be gone and come back, and that's if I made it back...

"I don't understand what you're saying. Why can't you go get a doctor?” she asked again.

“I'd have to try to hitch a ride from someone, and my face is famous. And not in a good way. Ben Weston, psycho murderer, shows back up in town? There is going to be a lot of questions, suspicions, and doubts. The odds of me getting back to you before anything bad happens to that leg aren't great, Ciara."

“But you can tell everyone the truth that you're trying to help me!” Ciara urged. “Please! I need a doctor, I need help. You know that.” She said as she winced, I could see a sheen of sweat on her face, her face getting whiter. The pain was clearly getting worse. 

“Ciara, I told you, I can help you. You have to just let me. I'm worried about that wound on your leg needing stitches. We have to act fast or you could get an infection.”

I stood up from the chair and took off my belt knowing it was the only thing I knew in the room that I could make a tourniquet, and it could help me set her leg.

Ciara began to move in the bed at the sight of the belt. “What are you doing?!”

“What I should have done already.”

“No! No, stay away from me! Please don't do this!” She yelled.

“Ciara, Ciara. Hey, hey, hey. Look… Please stop, stop. Look at me please.” I tried to calm her down, but I saw the terror in her eyes, the fear all over her face–it wasn’t a look I was unfamiliar with.

“No, no, no! Don't touch me.” She cried.

“Ciara. Please, please. Listen to me."

She put her hands up to her face as she continued to sob. I had to hold her leg down in place before she injured herself more.

"I know that look. The fear. I’ve seen it before.”

“Yeah I bet you have. I have a few ideas where.” She said through choked sobs. 

“Look at me.”

“No.” She said as she turned her head to face the wall.

“Ciara. I'm not that man anymore.”

“You're not? Why, because one piece of paper says you're cured? I'm just supposed to forget about all you did or what you could do,”

“No! Look, whatever you think of me is fine, right now all I want to do is set your leg and check your wound for stitches. I need the belt in order to do that okay?”

“Set my leg?” She said, her voice raising slightly. I took a deep breath, hoping it would encourage her to do the same.

“Yes. You have a compound fracture. Getting you to town or getting a doctor to come up here is going to take too much time. If we don't take care of this now and act fast it's going to heighten the risk of complications. Worst case scenario… could be amputation.”

“Or you’re saying all of that to just scare me,” she said, though her voice had softened–finally she was starting to calm down. I placed my hand on her shoulder carefully. 

“I think I'm scaring you enough without saying a word. So do I have permission to check your injuries?” I asked in hopes that she would finally let me help her. “Setting your leg is the best chance for you to be okay. And if your wound does in fact need stitches, I can do that. All you have to do is trust me.”

She wiped her eyes and looked up at the ceiling and her voice got shaky as she asked, “So all I have to do is trust you?”

I put my hands up and replied, “It's your choice. You can let me fix it or run the risk of losing your leg.”

She looked up at the ceiling again and began playing with her hands. “So I just have to pretend like you're not dangerous? Like you're someone who won't hurt me when I can't defend myself? Like you're not a serial killer?"

“Was. Past tense.” I said, almost on queue she let out a scoff. I ignored it, adjusting the belt in my hand to make the tourniquet. She let out another cry in pain and began to hold on to her leg, looking from it to me. I could tell she was battling herself if she should trust me or not.

“Look… The longer we wait the greater the chance of complications like I told you. Then I might not be able to help you at all. You need to let me help you.”

“How do I know? You… that you won't like, snap and attack me?” I put my head down again as I continued to adjust the belt. How could I expect her to react any differently? 

“I can tell my words aren't good enough. I get it.” I had to do something to make her realize I was there to help her, not to harm her. I remembered the knife I had in my backpack. I walked over to the table my backpack was on and took the knife out of its holster. I turned back toward her. 

“To be honest with you, you're right. You have every reason to be afraid of me and fear what I could do to you.”


	15. Ben

Ben 

“To be honest with you, you're right,” I said as I turned to her knife in hand. “You have every reason to be afraid of me and fear what I could do to you.” 

She looked at me through tears, very confused. My words could only do so much right now, but I also knew this was my only chance to gain her trust. Between the fear of me and the pain from her injuries, I knew she was getting mentally and physically exhausted. 

“What the hell are you doing?” She asked me as her voice shook with fear. 

I walked back over to her, stuck the handle of the knife out to her as I held onto the blade. She stared at it, eyes gaping. “Here,” I said. “I’m giving it to you. If I make one wrong move…” I pointed the knife towards my side. “Stab me.” 

Slowly, she reached for it, not taking her eyes off me. She held it in her hand carefully, gripping it. I let go and she held it out toward me. 

“So now can I help you please? Can I set your leg and check your wounds?” 

She took a deep breath as she tightened her grip on the knife. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” 

“Like I said. When you have a dad who likes to use his fists or whatever else he can find to make a point...” Slowly, she dropped her arm to the side, looked down at the knife and then back at me. I cleared my throat. “Anyway, I've helped my sister and my mom plenty of times, my mom never wanted my dad to be in trouble. So it fell to me or Jordan.” 

"She never… tried to do anything? Get away?” 

I prepared the belt in my hand, picking up the metal bowl she'd kicked onto the floor. The talking at least meant she wasn't screaming anymore, so that was progress. “Nope. She never called the cops on him. Part of it was fear, but a bigger part was somehow through all of that… she loved him.” I said quietly. Even though it sounded insane, I understood my mother now better than I ever had. How she could live with a monster... I snapped myself out of my own thoughts. 

“So… Can I look at your leg? Please?” I asked, hoping she finally would let me. What she didn't know is that this would be just as hard for me as it would be for her. I'd have to hurt her before I could make her better. The idea of hurting anyone again made me ill… Was I in over my head? Was I trying to prove a point that I wasn't the crazy person everyone thought I still was? I shook my head. I couldn't let my thoughts and feelings get in the way of what’s right. Ciara needed my help. 

“Okay.” She finally broke. I wasted no time pulling the blankets off of her leg carefully. As I got down to the rag that I had on the wound, I saw that it was still actively bleeding. I knew her jeans were going to have to be cut off on that leg so I could get a better look and for me to set her leg I needed them out of the way. 

“I have to fill the bowl back up. I'm going to need the water to clean up your wound.” I picked up the bowl from the floor and walked to the bathroom sink and filled it up with warm water. I also grabbed another hand towel for her to bite into for when I would set her leg. I set the bowl of water down next to her. As I got closer to her she tightened her grip on the knife. 

“Okay, I’m going to have to cut your pant leg before I can check out your injuries or set the bone.” I handed her the dry cloth and she looked puzzled. 

“What's this for?” 

“It's to bite on. I have to set the bone in place before I can set your leg, and it's gonna…” 

“Hurt like hell?” she cut me off, raising her eyebrows. Her voice was defiant–strong. 

I nodded. “Are you ready to do this?” 

“Don’t have much choice, do I?” She said, folding the rag into a wad and holding it tight. 

“I'm going to have to cut your jeans to check if that gash needs stitches. But I'm going to start by cleaning your leg." I dipped the rag in the warm water and lightly began to clean her leg off. 

“Ahh!! That stings so bad,” She said, gasping for air. 

“I'm so sorry,” I apologized immediately. “I'm trying to take it as slow & gentle as I can, I swear.” Thankfully, there was a lot more dried blood than I'd thought, and her wound was in a lot better shape than it had looked. 

“Well, some good news. You don't need stitches. It's a pretty nasty-looking gash, but it looks like it's just a surface cut.” 

“Are you sure?” She asked. 

"I'd say so, yeah. The amount of dried blood around it made it look a lot worse–I'm glad to be wrong about it being really bad." 

She nodded. “Okay.” 

“Now this will be the hard part. Are you ready?” I moved her leg out as straight as I could. 

"I guess as I’ll ever be,” she said shakily, placing the rag back in her mouth. She looked back up towards the ceiling, and I saw the tears in her eyes. This part was never easy for me to do. I knew the amount of pain it brought–how many times had I reset my mother's arm? 3? 5? The memory of her screams made my stomach drop. 

“Okay, Ciara. On the count of three. Ready?” I took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes. She nodded her head yes and her hands began to shake. 

“One...Two...Three.” 

I looked at her again and pushed my hands down with all of my might onto the broken bone. As I did that, she let out a scream so loud even the towel didn't muffle it. I held my hands down on her leg for a few seconds until I could feel the bone was back in place. She dug her nails into my arm as she grabbed it, tears streaking her face. 

“Ciara, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?” 

“Oh my god, oh my god.” She continued to hold on tight to my arm. I didn't move so I waited a few seconds. “Okay, don't move your leg but I'm going to go gather the supplies I need to make you a splint. I’ll be right back. 

She nodded her head and finally let go of my arm. I walked to the other side of the room and found two smaller sized boards to use for each side of her leg and a little wider one to use to put her leg on. In the drawer of the table I found a roll of duct tape. 

I walked back to the bed and she was still crying. I reached for her hand and she took it, gripping it tightly. I was surprised that she didn't pull away. 

“I promise, the hardest part is over.” 

She nodded again. I had to cut the remainder of her jeans off of her leg but the only thing I could use that would work was the knife she was holding onto. 

“Ciara, I have to cut the leg of jean off of your leg so the splint sits right. But I need the knife. Can I use it for just a second and I'll give it right back?” 

She hesitated but handed it over to me. She moved a bit as I cut the jeans off her leg. I’m sure that made her nervous as well as making her feel vulnerable. But I handed her back the knife as quickly as I could. 

“I’m sorry. I wouldn't have been able to make a proper splint with your jeans ripped open the way they were.” 

She took the rag out of her mouth and held it in her hand. 

“It's okay,” she said between breaths. 

“I just want to keep it covered for now.” 

“Okay.” I noticed she was trying hard to hold back the tears. 

“You don't have to be embarrassed to cry. I’d cry, too, if I had to go through what you just did.” 

“I'm not embarrassed... it just hurts. But crying doesn't seem to be helping, so I'm just trying to stay calm.” 

“Okay.” 

I lifted her leg to put the board underneath it and then one on each side of her leg. I began to tape it as tight as I could so it wouldn't move. She let out a few cries here and there but i was honestly surprised at how well she was managing the pain. 

“You are incredibly brave you know that? You're a rock star.” I said to her, a little pride in my voice. 

She let out a tiny laugh and gave a weak smile but I could tell she didn’t have much energy left. She tightened the grip on the knife I looked at it as I continued to tape her leg in place. 

“You know I've heard that talking can help keep your mind off of the pain. Not that you’d want to talk to me anyway, but… maybe this is a good time to try." 

“You do look like you know what you're doing.” She said, trying to catch her breath. 

“Yeah, I remember this one time my dad broke my mom’s arm…” I let out a sigh and paused, remembering the pain my mom was in, and being so afraid of what he was going to do next. I shook my head and continued. “Jordan took my can of tinker toys and made one of the most badass splints I had ever seen.” 

“Well, too bad we don't have any tinker toys around here now.” She laughed a little and I smiled. 

“Now that almost sounded like a joke.” I said to her. 

She looked at me but again held her grip on the knife. I cleared my throat. 

“It must have been hard…” She started to say but then hesitated and was nervous to finish. She cleared her throat before she began to talk again. “What your dad did to your mom and sister. But what about you?” 

I looked at her and she had a look I hadn’t seen directed at me in a while–remorse. I could tell she was asking out of concern and was being genuine, but talking about that time in my life was extremely hard. So I quickly changed the subject. 

“That’s all in the past,” I said, clearing my throat. “Let's try and focus on getting this leg set properly so we can get you back onto the dance floor.” I smiled tightly at her. 

She looked at me, shook her head and smiled, “I’m not much of a dancer. Claire–my best friend–she’s the dancer. I just tag along with her when she goes out. I sort of have two left feet.” 

“You’re not much of a talker either. I feel like I’m just jabbering your ear off.” 

“Or I just don't have anything to talk about.” 

“Fair enough." 

I continued to tape her leg. The more I kept thinking about it, I really did want to know what she was doing out there alone, so late, driving so fast. She’d mentioned getting away... was she running from something or was it someone? 

“Can I... ask you a question?” I tested the waters. She looked at me carefully. 

“I guess.” 

“It’s about the accident... I mean, what the hell were you doing out there? Why were you going so fast?” 

She looked at me and then quickly looked away to avoid making eye contact. She put her hands on the back of her neck and sighed. “That was more than one question.” 

“Seriously, Ciara. What happened?" 

“I just crashed, alright?" She snapped back, looking away. 

“Fine, I’ll back off. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. I can respect that." 

I went back to work on her leg, putting on the last few pieces of tape I could. 

“Well, it's not pretty, but I think my sister would be damn proud given my lack of supplies. How does it feel?” 

She flexed her leg slightly, testing it. She still winced, but she nodded. “Like I broke my leg.” 

“Yeah I’m sure it does.” I stood up, confident that she'd be okay for at least a little while. I had to go get supplies. Food, water. Pain meds. She could put on a good face now, but in a few hours she'd be screaming again, and not cause she was afraid–from pain. 

She looked up at me intently. “Ben?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you." 

“You're welcome. I just hope we got to it in time. Are you hungry or thirsty?” 

“No. Not right now, Im okay. Just starting to feel really tired.” 

“Still, you should try to drink some water. I wanna make sure you stay hydrated, I could be gone awhile.” I handed her the cup of water, confusion on her face as she took it. I began to walk over to the door, and she sat up straighter. 

“Wa-wait, where are you going?” 

“I'm going to get you help to get you back to Salem. I promise, Ciara, I'm going to get you home as soon as I can.” I opened the door to the cabin but she quickly yelled out after me. 

“Wait! Please... don't go.” 

I must have heard her wrong. I know I did because there's no way she just asked me to stay. 

“What?" 

"Just… don't leave." Now, it was my turn to be confused. 

"Ciara, I have to get you home." 

“I know,” she said hesitantly. 

“You do want to get back home, right? To your family? Your friends?" Her face was full of uncertainty. 

“I’m not so sure anymore," she admitted quietly. My mouth fell open a bit. 

“Ciara… I don't get it. I’m giving you the chance to go home and you're not taking it?” 

She looked at me and pulled at the blanket that was covering her lap. I leaned up against the door and crossed my arms. 

“I’m really, really tired of being the victim. Of everyone thinking I’m some helpless loser who’s so broken she can’t take care of herself.” 

“That’s what you think people say about you? What people think about you?” 

“Trust me it is.” She sighed, her head down. 

“Why do you say that?” 

“It's the truth. It's how they'll always look at me... Look, I don't want to get into it.” 

I was at a loss. One minute, she was mad I wasn't getting help, and the next, she didn't want help at all. Clearly, this wasn’t the moment for heart to heart, so I tried an alternative. 

“Fine, if you're not going to talk, I'm going to find a phone to call your mother, who's probably worried sick about you.” I opened the cabin door wider and began to walk out. 

“No wait! Ugh, fine! I’ll tell you!” She yelled out. 

I stopped, crossed my arms, leaned against the door and turned to face her. 

“Well, you asked why I crashed my bike, why I was going so fast. So okay, fine. It’s because I went to surprise my boyfriend at school, and I caught him in bed with another girl." 

“God, they were sleeping together?" The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them. She winced slightly, looking down. I swallowed hard, my go to when I was nervous. 

"Ciara, I’m sorry–I shouldn’t have asked that.” I wasn’t prepared for her to tell me something so personal. I didn’t want to make her feel any more uncomfortable as she was already feeling. 

"It's fine, actually,” she continued trying to appear unbothered. “And yeah, they were. And it turns out it had been going on for a while. Not that it even matters anymore.” She paused. “It’s just–how many times do I have to be taken advantage of? How many times can I let myself get hurt?” she asked, rhetorically as she fought back tears. I didn’t realize something this painful had happened to her. 

“It’s not your fault you picked a cheater.” 

She sighed shaking herself determinedly. “All I know is if I go home, it’s going to be endless explanations & endless pity for poor, pathetic, broken Ciara,” she said. “And let me tell you how much I hate that. I’m so sick of living my life this way. You know what just forget it. You could never understand it, anyway.” 

Her talking to me about what she was going through brought me back to when I found Abby with Chad, but couldn’t bring myself to tell her that... at least not yet. After her talking to me and opening up the way she had, maybe she really did want to stay. It was against my better judgement, but I didn’t want to betray her trust. 

“Actually,” I admitted, “I do know what your going through, Ciara. But let’s save all of that for another day.” 

She nodded. “Just... Please don’t call my mom.” 

“Ciara, I’m going to help you get well,” I said, pausing to meet her gaze. “And I won’t tell anyone where you are, but if you decide you don’t trust me, or if you change your mind and want to leave, I won’t stop you.” 

“Believe me, if I had anywhere else to be or had any place to go, I would be there.” She looked almost as defeated as she did defiant. 

I walked over to the side of the bed and sat down again. “How’s the leg?” 

“Um. What do you think?” She snapped. 

I did know that if she was going to stay here I would have to make a trip into town to get some supplies. We had nothing here that was edible remotely & it was hard to say how trustworthy the pipes were for drinking water. Then there was the fact that I would need more fuel for the generator, along with a way to properly clean her wounds. And some kind of antibiotics wouldn’t hurt, just in case. 

“Well, if we’re going to stay here, you need some pain medication and antibiotics.” 

“Don’t suppose you have any?” 

“No, but I’ll get some. We’ll need food and water anyway.” I stood up from the chair standing over her, I asked, “Will you be okay if I leave you for a little while?” 

“I’m sure I’ll live but I’m really tired and it’s late. Could you wait till morning? I just don’t want to be alone at night in this creepy cabin.” 

I couldn’t quite hide my chuckle. 

“What? What’s so funny about that?” She asked, looking annoyed. 

“Nothing,” I replied as innocently as I could. “It’s just–you’re kinda asking the ‘creepy serial killer’–your words–to stay with you so you won’t be alone in this ‘creepy cabin’ in the middle of the night. You gotta admit it’s at least a little ironic.” 

“Yeah, well, I don’t have any other options right now, do I?” She paused to pick up her knife. “And at least I have a knife, and I’m not afraid to use it.” 

I through my hands up in the air. “Fine! I’ll wait till dawn. That should be in a few hours anyway.” I sat down in the chair again. 

“I’m so tired.” Ciara started to put the blanket and tried to get comfortable. 

“Here, let me help you.” I took the blanket from her and spread it out over the bed, tucking her in. I also noticed she still had on her boots. “Would you like me to take off your boots for you? Maybe it would make it more comfortable.” 

“Fine. But only because I can’t reach myself.” I walked to the end of the bed, took off her boots and then covered her feet with the blanket. I sat back down in the chair again. 

“Rest is the best thing for you right now,” I said. “Go to sleep, I’ll see you when you wake up.” 

“Great! Just the face I want to see.” She quipped under her breath. 

I rolled my eyes slightly. “Well, I can leave if you want, then, you won’t have to.” 

“No! I mean, um… just don't go.” 

“I won’t. Now, please–rest.” 

"Fine. You should, too.” She replied, settling into the bed. 

“Don’t worry about me,” I said as I looked down and played with the end of my shirt. 

“Okay well. Goodnight,” she said through a yawn. 

“Good night, Ciara.” 

She shifted her head to the side looking away but then quickly turned it back, looked at me and smiled ever so slightly. “Ben?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome." 

Quiet fell over the room as she finally drifted off to sleep. But it was different than anything I'd ever felt... it was peaceful. As if there was something around the cabin keeping the normal evils that tried to haunt me at night away. I knew it was her. 

I kept my eyes on her, making sure that she didn't move in any way that might worsen her leg. Part of me knew it could come off creepy, watching her sleep… but I couldn't help but feel like it helped her. I felt a weird connection to Ciara. I don’t know if it was the need to make sure she was okay or something else, but her life was in my hands now. I had to protect her. 

I found myself watching her for almost the whole time she slept. Every time she let out a cry in her sleep from discomfort or pain, I would place my hand on her leg to apply just a little pressure or just rub her shoulder. And every time I did, she would settle. 

Sleeping hadn’t been an option for me in a very long time. Every time I closed my eyes, I was haunted by what I had done. And when I did manage to sleep, I was always woken up by nightmares… Ciara didn't need to see that, she was scared enough. I couldn’t help but continue watching her anyway. I wanted to know more about her. About her past, her pain… She kept telling me she was broken–but from what? What could the police commissioner’s daughter–the child of two of the town’s most prominent families–possibly have gone through? I had so many questions racing through my mind as the hours passed. 

Finally, morning light began filtering through the cracks of the semi-boarded up windows. But Ciara only seemed to grow more restless. She was muttering in her sleep, and I knew I had to get her pain meds and more supplies. I gently shook her shoulder, and said in a low voice that was loud enough to wake her but hopefully without startle her, “Ciara.” 

She flinched in her sleep. 

“Ciara… Hey, Ciara.” 

She finally woke on the 3rd call but jumped up and opened her eyes. She stuck out the knife in her hand towards me and I put my hands up in the air. 

“Whoa! I’m sorry. Ciara, I'm sorry. I only woke you because I wanted to get an early start on my supply run. You were getting pretty restless. So I know you need something for pain.” 

“Oh… okay. I'm sorry, I think just getting woken up like that scared me,” she said coolly. I nodded once, ignoring the lie. Clearly, she'd been dreaming of something disturbing but didn’t feel like sharing. 

“It’s okay. I get it.” 

I turned back to her as I opened the door. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, but I'm going to ask you one last time - are you sure you don’t want me to call for help? Call your mom?” 

She nodded slowly, then finally looking at me said, “No. I’m sure. I want to stay here.” 

“With me?” 

She rolled her eyes and said to me sarcastically, “Ugh. Yes, I guess. With you.” She rolled her eyes and flashed a quick smile. I felt a lightness in my stomach that I hadn't known in what felt like a lifetime. 

“Alright then. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” I turned to leave, it was getting lighter by the second. 

“Ben! Wait!” I stopped and turned around. 

“Yeah?” 

“Please, hurry back. And be careful.” 

When was the last time someone had cared about my safety? I smiled at her and closed the door behind me. I will, Ciara. I promise, I won't let you down. I vowed to myself, as I began to walk through the woods to the road.


	16. Ciara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Finally ready to share this long awaited chapter. This chapter has taken me the longest to update, but real life has been giving me one obstacle after the next. Shout out to all my friends who keep encouraging me to keep going when I feel as if I’m throwing in the towel. 
> 
> I couldn’t do it without you guys! Russell, Kay, Steph, Toni, Wheels and Sara. Thank you for always being there for me when I need a friend! 
> 
> Cin has been giving me major inspiration I promise I won’t this long for the next update. 
> 
> Hope everyone enjoys this one as much as I do!*****

“How the hell did this happen? What am I doing?" I asked out loud to myself, looking around the room and then down at my fractured leg, currently being held together by duct tape. 

So much had happened in such a short time… I wasn't sure how to even begin processing it without losing it. But one thing was certain: I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, in a very creepy cabin, in a bed unable to run, or even move for that matter - with a serial killer. Not just any serial killer, Ben Weston - the necktie killer.

Had I really just told him that I want to stay here? And to hurry back… and be careful? Something was clearly very wrong with me – clearly I'm not okay. Why am I choosing to stay here? Why didn't I just call my mom and get the army of cops I know she'd send to get me and go home? My stomach sank as I even thought the words, and quickly I knew the answer. As much as I didn't want to be here with him, I didn't want to be alone. And even though Salem was full of people, somehow being around them made me feel more isolated than I did here in this cabin.

"Oh my god – I'm losing it. I had to have hit my head harder than I thought." I said to myself again, the reality of the situation hitting me again. "And in a cabin with an actual serial killer. Oh wait! Don't forget, he said he's reformed! A reformed serial killer. Yeah- that's supposed to make me feel so much better.” I scoffed. As if someone can just turn off their crazy… what a joke. Why of all people in this whole world did it have to be him to find me? Is my luck really that bad? So many thoughts were racing through my head, so many emotions - I couldn’t make any sense of it all.

“Ciara, how do you keep doing these things to yourself?” I asked myself out loud as I pushed my head back into the head board. I closed my eyes tight and took a deep breath. "And why are you talking to yourself, exactly like a crazy person would do?!" I banged my head against the headboard in frustration. How was this happening? How did I get here? 

The last memory I had before waking up in this cabin was riding my bike. I'd wanted to run, as fast as I could. Away from everything and everyone I knew. I knew it was reckless, but my bike could take me away faster than anything else. Suddenly I remembered taking that curve… and way too fast… Before I knew it, I was flying through the air and landing on the cold pavement. I wasn't sure I was going to make it… and then nothing. 

My dad used to warn me about driving recklessly, how many close calls he'd had... Oh, my dad. I remembered talking to him as I laid there, cold and alone on the road, sure no one was ever going to find me out there. I remembered smelling the gas, the pieces of my dad's prized possession around me… it was bad. It was more than luck that I didn't die right there. Clearly he was still watching over me. 

“Way to look out for me, Daddy.” I whispered, my eyes hot with tears that fell before I could do anything to stop them. I was so confused, and in so much pain - and not just physically. It was different than anything I'd felt before. It was like Tripp re-opened all of my wounds when I found him with that girl. I couldn't even say her name.

He broke me. In a bigger, more destructive way no one ever had. Tripp was the love of my life. My whole life. I trusted him; never in a million years would I have thought he could do this to me. He knew what I had gone through, he was the one who showed me what love was and made me feel normal again.

Or… maybe I'd been wrong about that too. Was that just me holding on to something that was already over? Were the signs there? More questions were flooding now. Had I just been to blind and unwilling to see it? Why couldn't he just tell me? Why did I have to find out the way I did? 

They say that everything happens for a reason. What could possibly be the reason I needed to see my boyfriend having sex with another girl? What could possibly be the reason I'd ended up in a falling apart cabin with the necktie killer?

“If I hadn't of been driving so fast maybe... maybe I wouldn’t have ended up here.” I said. Ben would have never crossed my path if I didn’t crash. My leg wouldn't be in pieces if I didn't crash. But then…

“You know what? No. This isn't my fault - this is Tripp's fault! He’s the reason I left and rode my bike to get away. If anything happens to me this is all Tripp's fault. All of this! I’m stupid to blame myself.” The anger rose up in me… he'd set everything into motion. His inability to keep it in his pants led me to jet off on my bike and crashed me right into the reach of a serial killer. Bastard.

But that idea of everything happening for a reason is still floating around in my mind… why? How am I here right now? Were we… supposed to cross paths? Could that be the real reason?

"No. No way, Ciara. Don't even go there. Your boyfriend cheated on you and you were reckless. That's why you're here." 

Unless… What if we were brought together so he could kill me? Make me just like all of his other victims? Or would he do to me what Chase did? I couldn't even bear the thought of that. Me, powerless against another man, only this time it was worse because of my leg. I feel the bile coming up as at even just the thought of it. My thoughts were racing as I panicked. What if Ben's story about being reformed is a lie? What if he really did escape? He'd murdered women… what was rape to a serial killer?

Marlena was one of the people who helped with his release. It was her evaluation and her testimony to the D.A. that ultimately let him free. 

“Marlena is amazing, one of the best in her field, she wouldn’t just let him be released unless she knew he was sane." I rationalized, again out loud – oh god, was this becoming a habit? Trying to think positively wasn't working… What if he deceived everyone - Marlena included - to get out? What if she got it wrong? 

I need to breathe. "Ciara Alice Brady, get it the hell together." I said to myself, placing my head in my hands. I had to try and stay calm. Overthinking was already a specialty of mine, but it was in overdrive right now. Too much had gone on for me to think straight I needed to stay focused, so that when he came back I was ready to fight.

But there was still one thing that didn't add up – the knife he handed me. I mean, why would he give me a knife to protect myself? If he did want to hurt me, or make me his next victim… why do that? Why set my leg instead of making it worse? Why go into town for supplies?

“Maybe he really has changed. Maybe Marlena's right. What if he does just want to help me?” I tried to reassure myself. Could someone like him really change? Was something like that even possible? If he had escaped, he could have just left me on the side of the road to die. He didn’t have to stop, I'm nothing to him. It just didn't add up. And clearly trying to talk myself through it wasn't getting me anywhere. Ben couldn’t have been gone very long but it was beginning to feel like forever. Finally I understood why people said silence is deafening… I hated being in this too-quiet cabin alone with my racing thoughts. I hated being alone, even if the alternative meant being with a serial killer.

The only kind of bright side was that at least I wasn't having to explain to everyone about Tripp. I can practically hear the “poor Ciara’s” and feel the looks of pity from everyone from here. I'd had enough of that for a lifetime. And, Ben didn't know my past. He knew nothing of what I had gone through. I won't get any fake sympathy from him. He won't lecture or judge me. And he doesn’t seem like the person who'd smile at me in front of my face, tell me everything is okay, to just turn around and talk about me behind my back. 

I just don't have it in me to go through that all again. Everyone walking on egg shells around me, my mom so worried she'll bring up old memories, reopen old wound. I know she'll be determined to get me to talk about it all. Tripp, me racing off on my bike, running away… But I don't even want to go into it with anyone, even Marlena. So much so that I’m willing to stay here, in this cabin in the middle of nowhere with no connection to the outside world - with Ben Weston.

“Well I guess he can’t hurt me anymore than I already am right?” I felt strangely hollow as the words came out of my mouth. I leaned my head back into the head board once again, taking a breath. 

“Wow, you must think I've lost my mind huh, Dad?" The tears were welling up again. "I wish you were here with me. Just for a minute, even."

What would he have said? He would've known what to do "Always trust your instincts, Ciara." He'd once told me as a kid. Boy, if he'd seen where my instincts had taken me till now… but still, as afraid as I felt, I did my best to listen to what my gut could be saying. What I knew for sure: Ben was dangerous, yes. But he'd also saved my life. And the deeper I searched the more I felt it – staying here is the right thing for me to do right now. Every other person on the planet would tell me otherwise, but I knew. This was where I was supposed to be.

Hopefully it was my dad telling me that, and not something that would get me killed.

I closed my eyes, realizing just how tired I actually was. I was so mentally, emotionally and physically drained. I tried to clear my head and not think about anything. It was too quiet, so I tried to focus on the sounds of outside. The birds chirping, the wind blowing over the top of the roof. Aside from the facts, it was really quite… peaceful. I felt my eyes starting to droop. I took a deep breath and settled into the bed as comfortably as I could, hoping – against any rational thought - that when I woke up Ben was back so I wasn't alone.

-++++++-

Waking up with a start, I could feel myself flinch. My leg was throbbing in pain, every muscle felt like it was on fire. Somehow in my sleep I must've tried to roll over. Tears quickly came to my eyes from the stinging pain, but I tried to focus on my breathing. In the nose, out the mouth… again and again. Slowly it dissipated, and then I realized – I wasn't alone. He sat in a chair, his legs stretched up onto the table, playing with the knife Ben had given me to protect myself.

 

“That leg doesn't look too good, Ciara. Why don't you let me take a look at it?" He said quietly. Just the sound of his voice made my stomach crawl, and I knew in an instant who it was.

Chase.

I opened my mouth to yell, scream, something… but no sound came out. He smirked at me.

"Come on, Ciara, it’s just us alone in this cabin. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. It’s about time you stop fighting me.” Chase said to me from the opposite side of the room. 

I wanted to get up, I had to run. But the unbearable pain in my leg when I tried to move it reminded me that I couldn't to either of those things. This couldn't be real… Was it? No. Chase is gone. I was having another nightmare. But this time I was here in the cabin. 

He stepped toward me, his eyes were so dark. Full of anger, full of rage… and intent. I laid there frozen in fear. I tried to yell again but again no sound escaped. I tried again and nothing came out but silence. 

“No one can hear you, Ciara. No one can save you. It’s just you and I. You might as well accept your fate.” He was leaning over me now, a horrible smile on his face. I tried to lift my arm to hit him or push him away, but it felt as if they weighed 100 pounds each. I couldn’t lift them up. I couldn’t move at all.

“Ciara, I know you want this just as much as I do. Stop resisting me - it’ll be a whole lot better for both of us.” He whispered, I could feel the warmth of his breath against my cheek. “I know you want me, too.” He whispered in my ear. 

I went to scream again and still silence. I closed my eyes and prayed to anything listening to save me.

"So this is the man you've been thinking of every time I touch you? I thought he’d be taller.” Tripp appeared at the other side of the bed. Oh thank god – he would help me. He despised Chase for what he did to me He wouldn’t let anything happen to me. 

“Oh look who we have here. Your boyfriend is here to save you!” Chase said as he turned around. Tripp scoffed. 

“EX-boyfriend. I couldn’t take another second of this broken excuse for a woman. Or should I say girl.” Tripp said, his voice full of disgust. 

What the hell was going on? Tripp walked closer me on my left side, Chase was on my right.

Chase let out a terrifying laugh. My legs still wouldn't move, and I tried to yell for help again and nothing. Tears stung my eyes as each one fell. 

“Looks like he’s jumped ship. You really do know how to push everyone away from you, Ciara. No one wants you but me.”

“I had you and let me tell you...” Tripp laughed. “Why do you think I cheated on you?”  
“You hear that? Come on, Ciara – except it. I'm the only one who's ever going to love you.“ Chase snarled. I felt like I was going to pass out I was hyperventilating so hard. This couldn't be real, there was no way this was real…

“I told you before - No one wants someone as broken & damaged as you. You'll never know what true love is, clearly you couldn't accept it from me.” Tripp said. 

Chase got closer to me again as he pushed the hair away from my face as I fought to turn away from him. I closed my eyes as I held in my breath to scream again. Finally my voice was there. 

“No! Stop it! Don’t touch me! You will never touch me again." Chase and Tripp flinched slightly as I screamed. But then that dangerous glint gleamed in Chase's eyes, just like that day, where it didn't matter how many times I'd said no…the fear crept in

“Oh look who grew a voice! It’s too late, Ciara. No one will save you. No one can ever save you from me.” Chase said through a laugh, leaning down to kiss me.

“No!” Just as I had screamed the doors to the cabin crashed open, slamming against the wall. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?! Get your god damn hands off of her!” The voice yelled, powerful and loud. My heart started pounding when I recognized it – it was Ben. 

I screamed again as I opened my eyes. I lifted my head up in the bed by my arms, forgetting and remembering in the same second how broken my leg really was. I looked around the room and relief flooded through me – it was empty, as silent and still as when I'd fallen asleep. Ben wasn't back yet, none of it was real. My heart continued to pound in my chest, leftover fear and relief coursing through me. The dream was vivid in my mind, it felt like Tripp and Chase would appear again at any moment. 

“It was just a nightmare.” A small current of relief fell over me. I was still alone in the cabin. Nightmares were definitely something I'd gotten used to. But the addition of Tripp, reminding me what I already knew – that love wasn't possible for someone as irretrievably broken as I am… that I hadn't been prepared for. That's when I realized – though they weren't here in this cabin, they were always there in my mind. I could feel my whole body trembling. I put my face in my hands and let out all of the emotions I had been holding in; about Tripp, the crash, being here and now my nightmare. I couldn’t escape it, not in my dreams.

It was like the tears were spouting from my eyes. I don't know how long I cried for, but long enough to feel like my eyes were swelling shut. 

The things they said to me felt so real, I could still hear their voices taunting me, echoing in my mind with painful clarity. If Ben hadn't come in when he did – wait. Ben saved me in my dream. And when he stormed in, I felt… safe. Protected. Did that mean something? How… no. It couldn't have meant anything, because serial killers don’t make people feel safe. That would be absolutely insane – no. It was a dream, nothing more. I shook away the thought, hoping it would stop feeling so true in my gut.

Finally able to come up for a breath, a sigh of relief came out - I'm so grateful Ben wasn't here to witness my spectacular little meltdown. The thought of having to explain this to him was yet another thing I knew I couldn’t handle right now. Involuntarily I flinched, I could hear footsteps coming closer. And fast, the sound of the leaves outside crunching gave him away. Quickly I wiped my eyes, took another deep breath and sat up in the bed, doing my best to stuff my emotions down as the door to the cabin opened. 

Ben was back and he had his arms full. Sweat gleamed slightly on his head, he set down the supplies hastily wiping it off his forehead. He looked at me carefully, from my leg back to my eyes a few times. I tried to keep my face neutral, knowing I was failing as I could feel the tears forming again by my eyes. Seeing him made me remember the dream, and how relieved I was when he came to save me… 

“Ciara, are you okay? I heard you yelling in the distance I tried to get back here as fast as I could.”

"I'm fine." I said flatly. His eyebrows raised, focusing on my face.

"Then why are you crying?" He said quietly. I looked down and quickly wiped away the last remaining tears that had fallen down my cheek.

“I'm not. I told you, I’m fine!” I snapped, turning away from him in the bed not prepared to have a heart to heart with Ben Weston. But I couldn’t deny the relief and gratitude I felt flooding through me – I was so thankful he was back.


End file.
